Episode 15 - Magic Bullets

Episode 15 – Magic Bullets

Welcome back to the Forgotten Library; as always, I’m Nikki Gee. It’s February as I record this – the season of love, and since it’s me, let’s turn this on its head and look at . . . pick-up “artistry.”

Before we continue, I’m going to throw a warning in here – as some of this discussion might be uncomfortable for folks, namely sexual assault, rape, and harassment. Proceed at your own discretion!

As many of these stories tend to begin, I was browsing the internet late one night . . . the year was 2015, and somehow a phrase or other landed me on a page of discussion boards known as The Attraction Forums. The top post on there was from a guy opining his issues with women, but it took me a minute to figure this out, as he was using all of these odd word choices, such as “opening,” “closing,” “transitioning.” It sounded like a corporate merger rather than an attempt to get off with a chick. As I continued to scroll, I encountered a lot more of this type of coded language, as well as acronyms I certainly had never seen before. I had entered the world of men’s self-help, essentially; although, of course, they would never call it that, preferring to use more blunted words such as “system” or “model.” In addition, I would also say that this is quite a scary version of men’s self-help, as it arrives at the table with a healthy dollop of toxic masculinity on top.

The main thrust of Pick-Up Artists is that, any man can learn “game,” which are techniques that will get you any woman you want; even if you are not hot, and are, in fact, an AFC (Average Frustrated Chump, in their lexicon), if you use the methods of the Seduction Community, as it is collectively known, you will be swimming in tail.

Pick-up artists are not new, of course. Humans have always tried to solicit advice on the art of seduction, but the modern version of this practice dates back to about 1970, with the publication of Eric Weber’s How to Pick Up Girls. Weber was a young advertising executive and trying to meet girls in New York, which was the spark for this book. These lines are corny as fuck today, such as “Are you a model?” and “Don’t tell me a beautiful woman like you doesn’t have a date tonight?” This is pretty tame, compared to some of the “routines” we’ll get to later in the episode. The book was rejected by publishers and then, according to Weber, he was complaining to his therapist about it, and he received the advice to use his advertising savvy and sell it via mail-order. He ran an ad in Penthouse magazine and ended up selling hundreds of thousands of copies.

In the 1980s, there was Ross Jeffries, who published How to Get the Women You Desire into Bed, which used a form of neuro-linguistic programming that was termed “speed seduction.” (Neuro-linguistic programming is a pseudoscientific theory that posits a person can communicate with another person’s subconscious thoughts via seemingly normal conversation). This book led to workshops to teach men these seduction techniques, and in the 1990s, brought it into the Internet age by setting up on Usenet discussion groups so that these “students” could communicate with each other and help with tactics and routines. Jeffries was also apparently the main inspiration for Frank T.J. Mackey, Tom Cruise’s character in the movie Magnolia.

And then in 2005, journalist Neil Strauss published The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists. Strauss had previously written for Rolling Stone magazine and The New York Times and attended a seminar by Mystery, whose eponymous “method” was later made (in)famous from the VH1 show The Pick-Up Artist. Strauss was researching an article and apparently used the methods he’d learned to pick up a Playboy Playmate of the Year. After that, he was in like Flynn, becoming Mystery’s wingman and later teaching his own seminars within the community under the handle Style. The book documented his several years of tutelage in the seduction community. Soon after, he supposedly retired from the PUA scene and settled down.

Pick-up artists still exist. The manuals and such that I have found are a few years old now, but as they tell men to adapt their own routines and so forth, I suppose that they endure.

There are SO MANY of these systems, methods, etc. Today, we’re going to look at Magic Bullets by Nick Savoy, which is part of the Love Systems method. Savoy used to work with Mystery and then they went their separate ways after the VH1 show.

Let’s dive in, shall we?

[break]

The copy of Magic Bullets I obtained is version 1, published in 2007. I have no idea if this was ever updated. We begin with a preface by Sinn (two enns) – all of these guys have aliases; his real name is Jon and he used to be an instructor for Mystery Method and then formed his own company called “Sinns of Attraction,” as you do, I guess. In the community, he’s known for Day Game, which apparently he was forced to learn at the beginning because he was under-age when he started and couldn’t go to bars or nightclubs. Anyway, the first words he heard Nick Savoy say at a Mystery Method bootcamp were “everyone here eats tacos. . .” Apparently he used these words to “open a set” with women and get one to go home with him. Sinn realized that he had a lot of things to learn from this guy!

Savoy took him under his wing, he says, and Sinn is proof that “a boardgame playing dork from Newfoundland with horrible taste in football can have insanely good and consistent game,” and soon, different girls were leaving HIS house every morning, too. And this can be YOU, young padawan, if you learn from the master and apply his teachings. Of course, I’m paraphrasing, as these dudes won’t make Star Wars references, because that sort of shit won’t get you laid (at least, not by SHBs, or Smokin’ Hot Babes).

Introduction. Savoy informs the reader that the title Magic Bullets is irony, as there is no REAL magic bullet to get you your dream woman. He name-drops a bunch of aliases, including Style (Neil Strauss, as discussed earlier) that are masters of their technique now, but of course, didn’t start out that way. It wasn’t overnight success. However, most of them have six things in common, which he calls The Fundamentals:

1. A conscious process of self-improvement, taking months or even years.

2. Studying and understanding female psychology, from books as well as “in the field” (by which they mean their routines, you understand, not actually talking to women to ask them what they really want).

3. Social intuition, to recognize and predict patterns of social behavior

4. A lifestyle that women find attractive

5. Skills to make their systems work – some use humor, or are good storytellers, or are great kissers, etc.

6. Going on many dates (or bedding many conquests, I suppose) so that they can use all of this experience in their arsenal.

Savoy says that if you’ve achieved these fundamentals, you can apply ANY system and it will work. Then he makes a sportsball analogy because it is a “dude” book so you gotta know sports, right? He extends this into the next section where he fields the question of – if the fundamentals are so important, why is it that just learning a system right now and using it will instantly garner better results? He says that yes, it will work for a bit, but eventually, without the firmer foundation of The Fundamentals, you will hit a dead end. “In my years of experience in dating science, I have never – nor have my colleagues ever – seen a man become truly successful with women without being able to handle the fundamentals,” he continues, and I just have to laugh at the fact that they call this a science in an attempt to legitimate it.

Anyway, he warns readers away from the One True Path idea, which is where you take only one guru’s advice and eschew the others. Now, if you boil that down to apply generally, I can’t really disagree with it, as you should be checking out multiple sources and forming a well-rounded opinion or belief. But here, obviously, he’s talking about just following one method without sussing out whether you might need to approach your “target” (their word for a woman you want to date or fuck) differently depending on the situation. And then when it doesn’t work, you’re able to easily explain away why it didn’t, so on and so forth.

So, why is there even a system in this book? Savoy says it’s because it’s a convenient organization principle, and also, everyone needs a system. This one, unlike some of the others out there that only work for specific types of men and only in certain places, is much more flexible, to encompass a broader population of men (and the women they want to go after) as well as in most situations.

Chapter 1 - How to use This Book. You can read it in order, or skip around, depending on where you are in your journey. He lays out a few places to begin for specific situations. This book is the result of countless hours of testing and reporting, but nothing in this book is a concrete law. Rules are meant to be broken and you should build on the material rather than just applying by rote, once you learn it, that is.

Chapter 2 – A Simply System You Can Use Tonight. He knows his book is really long (it’s 194 pages, hardly War and Peace, but I guess for his audience, it might as well be) and that you’re not going to get through it all in one night; and besides, once you have, you are going to refer to it again and again. But what if you only have a few minutes prep time before you want to go out tonight? He has a basic routine for you, easy to learn right now and take with you:

Upon arrival, act like you own the place. Be confident, keep your head high. Okay, that’s pretty basic advice. Acting more confident does help the confidence level.

If you’re with friends tonight, act like you’re engaged with them. Should you have to be told this? Don’t you want to hang out with your friends? If you’re alone, approach a group right away; he’ll tell you how to do this in a moment. Be louder, because most of the sober guys in the bar or club are too quiet; so you’re supposed to act drunk? Stand up straight, make eye contact, and if a woman is talking to you, don’t lean in to hear her better. He says NEVER lean in. I suppose this is because of some power bullshit, that she has to talk louder to angle for your attention, but I’m seeing this through an ableist lens and thinking they give no shits for guys who are hard of hearing.

The model that Savoy explains in this book is called the Emotion Progression Model, which follows a woman’s emotion progression from first meeting to some form of relationship (which could be a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship or Friends with Benefits). This will be explained in more detail later in the book but for now, Savoy drops two “key insights:” create mutual attraction before building comfort, so hold off on even asking her name before it’s obvious there is mutual interest; and she needs to show interest before you show interest in her.

The first phase is known as “opening.” Stay near the bar, but don’t get drunk. When you see a group of more than two women together (just women for now, as that’s easiest for your first run), pretend that you just noticed them and then ask them a question, such as the following examples:

“I’m planning my friend’s birthday party next Friday and I’m trying to decide between an 80s theme and a jungle theme. What do you think?”

“My friend keeps getting anonymous emails from a secret admirer but he thinks he knows who it is. Should he say something?” I would guess now you would change this to text messages; remember, this was published in 2007. Make sure that you act like this is a real situation, not like taking a survey! Once you learn how these work, you can make up your own, but for tonight, since you’re new, you can use one of these.

Okay, so if I were with my friends in a bar, and some dude approached us asking this kind of question, no matter HOW engaging he might appear, I would be wondering what his deal was asking a bunch of women about this. Then again, I am not the target audience for this, as according to these Seduction assholes, I am probably a FUG (Fucking Ugly Girl).

Remember to start talking to a woman with a few seconds of seeing her, because lurking is creepy and that will turn a woman off super-fast. This is true.

Phase 2 – Transitioning. Once the girls have started talking for a little bit about your dumbass query, cut them off and say something that you’ve noticed about them. The example is:

“Alright it seems that you [pick one woman at random] are the good one and you [the other woman] are the bad one. And that’s okay. One of you can be my angel and the other can be the devil. Like we’ll roll down the street, one of you on each arm, we’ll make all the other women jealous, and every time there’s a decision to be made, you guys can whisper in my ear and we’ll see who’s more tempting.”

Um, okay. Anyway, the main thrust here is that you should interrupt them after a few seconds to “transition” from talking about your friend’s birthday to something else. But don’t compliment them or ask them anything about themselves yet. You can use strategy, like making a statement, to elicit information without having to ask questions. “You look like you’d be a teacher,” for example; the woman will volunteer information and you didn’t have to ask a thing. Transition should not take very long, a minute at most, he says.

Phase 3 – Attraction. Now that you have a normal conversation going (what is normal about this leaping from weird question to cutting off and saying something else in the space of less than two minutes?), get the one of the group that you want to be attracted to you. Some sample techniques:

Tease her; tell a funny story; be entertaining without trying too hard. Don’t do anything that looks like you’re hitting on her. Do 90% of the talking and if you run out of something to say, say anything, rather than leave. If she’s shown signs of attraction (laughing at your jokes, staying and talking to you for at least 20 minutes, touching you), move on to the next phase, Qualification.

Qualification is when you can ask “screening questions” like “what do you do for fun?” Compliment those things that she tells you which are attractive to you. Three is enough; and make her earn them by only giving them when things are genuinely interesting to you. Then you can say something such as, “when I first met you I wasn’t sure about you. Now that I get to you know you, you’re pretty interesting.” Begin to build rapport and commonalities based on the information she has given you.

Comfort, the next phase, is where you ask the “What do you do?” and “Where are you from?” type questions. Talk over a wide variety of topics. Tell stories about yourself to get her to spill about herself. Start with playful touches and escalate throughout the evening. This phase is where you must make a decision, young apprentice - do you want to sleep with her tonight or just get her phone number?

If you opt for Seduction, your biggest obstacle, Savoy says, is a “state break,” which he defines as an interruption (such as going home with you, moving into the bedroom, etc.) that makes the woman focus on the possibility of having sex with you; logic might interfere and cause her to change her mind. Now, we can’t have that, and there’s a whole method for dealing with this that is explained in more detail later. For now, he says, focus on “distraction.” When something is about to happen that might cause her to think logically about this, distract her. Don’t stop talking. Keep up a constant monologue to stop her from thinking logically about sex with you.

I have words about this, but we will be covering this later in the book so I shall save them!

If you’d rather just get her number now, you can try for this anytime after the Attraction phase, but the further in the phases you are, the better it will be for you. Make sure you get her number; don’t just give her yours. Make specific plans right there and then that don’t involve dinner and a movie. After you get her number, don’t bail right away; stay for at least five minutes.

And finally, before you even go out the door to try this “set,” take a look at your grooming. Untuck your shirt. Zap any unsightly hairs. No khakis or golf shirts. Put on one interesting item, such as a pendant, or an unusual jacket – something that stands out and will get people talking to you.

A few more hints and reminders: don’t introduce yourself, even if you’ve been talking for a few minutes; you want her to ask your name, as it’s a sign she is interested in you. (Or maybe she wants to frame it more personally when she tells you to fuck right off?) Don’t ask about personal information in the first fifteen minutes you are talking to her (actual timing may vary depending on signs she’s giving). Don’t compliment her looks, ever. Be playful always. When you encounter resistance, change her mood, not her mind. What the fuck does that even mean?? And have fun, because she won’t if you aren’t.

Chapter 3 – Female Psychology. Hahaha, considering you’re all dudes, how can you purport to know about women? He goes into evolutionary biology and what it means specifically for women. What do women want? A healthy male, so fuck off, disabled boys; never talk about feeling ill or tired because no one wants that shit. Also, fix your acne and your baldness, because those are also indicators of poor health. He also advises guys to ditch their glasses for contacts, because he claims most guys don’t look good in glasses. I find this to be bullshit; both men and women have sometimes chosen glasses that don’t work for their face shape. It’s also kind of elitist to assume everyone can afford or even WEAR contacts; some astigmatism issues are too great for contacts, but I guess, if you want in on this game, you would rather see blurry pussy than none at all.

Women also want someone with social intuition. Are you the guy who always says or does the wrong thing, or talks about things that no one else is interested in? That is not the way to Girlfriend Land. So, get more social and interact with people more to build your social skillset. Don’t copy things that you see in movies and tv, because that stuff isn’t real! Of course, this book is once again, ableist, and completely ignores the fact that some of these men might be this way because they are on the autism spectrum. They know so much about science, right??

A sense of humor is very important. So much so that, even though it kind of falls under social intuition, it gets its own section. If you aren’t funny, become so, but not enough that you are a clown.

Status – find some relative to your station and use it to your advantage. If you frequent a restaurant, for example, get to know everyone who works there. Find opportunities to display your status over other men, but in a non-confrontational way.

Wealth – despite today’s modern world and women being able to earn their own way, the evolutionary desire is for a provider. He claims that “even some of his most liberal and feminist female friends” are uncomfortable with men who make less money than they do, or worry that men who are in this position would be emasculated or resentful. There’s toxic masculinity rearing its head, y’all. Anyway, you don’t have to be rich to be swimming in poontang, just act like it. If you have a little wealth, be subtle about it. For everyone else, don’t look like you’re struggling, never talk about money. Make sure your car is clean and in good shape. Show you have the ambition to BE wealthy.

No matter what, be consistent, or congruent, as he calls it. If you claim to be popular and know Hollywood moguls, but are shifty and won’t make eye-contact, etc., then you have no consistency, and women are going to be suspicious of you. Appear “pre-selected,” that is to say, having lots of female interest in a general sense. If you are shown to be one that the chicks pant after, this will make new targets intrigued by you. Finally, be challenging. Don’t make it too easy for her to get you, but strike a balance between this and being too aloof.

The next chapter is an overview of the model they use in the book. Women tend to make decisions based on their emotions. They claim to have found four “emotional triggers” that, when activated, tend to make women jump into your bed. They are:

· Feeling that a man’s value is equal to or greater than hers.

· Feeling that she’s special to him or that she’s earned his attention.

· Feeling comfort and connection with him.

· Feeling aroused by his touch without awkwardness or embarrassment.

The correlating portions of the model are, then, Attraction, Qualification, Comfort, and Seduction. And if the woman you know is someone from your Social Circle, these might be the only phases you need.

But what if it’s someone who isn’t already in your social circle, that you’ve met “in the wild,” as it were? Then you need to be able to Open, or start a conversation with her. Then taking that single-subject conversation to spending more time with the person and creating value (Transitioning). What follows that are the four portions described previously. And finally, and what they say is a “new” idea for this book, the Relationship phase – what happens after the sex? Do you want this woman to be your girlfriend? Friend with Benefits?

They provide Five Big Insights: Make a woman attracted to you before showing significant interest in her. Also make her attracted to you before establishing any deep connections. Have her work to win your interest before opening up. Help her feel connected to you before progressing sexually. And of course, sleep with her before you consider any type of relationship. They will talk more about this last bit later in the book.

One last thing – maintain emotional momentum. This whole process should happen relatively quickly, not over months.

The next chapters go into detail about each of these phases. So, Opening – a single-topic conversation with the intent of getting to a normal conversation, either with or without the Transition phase. Approaching a woman generally means approaching her entire group because most women are not alone in social situations. Therefore, engage the entire group in the Opening phase and don’t pay special attention to the one that you’re particularly interested in.

According to them, there are six types of openers: Functional, Opinion, Situational, None, Screening, and Direct. Functional are those where you ask the time or directions, that sort of thing. These are low-risk, because social norms generally dictate that a person will answer you, but also low-reward, as it’s difficult to transition into another topic from such a question. If a woman is alone and there is little else to distract her, like she’s waiting in line, it might be possible to be successful; they advise to use these for Day Game situations.

Opinion openers are like the type they gave in the sample I described earlier. Good subjects for these are those that generate emotional involvement, such as dating and relationships (but not about you personally), friendships, music, popular culture, etc. Not something that can be answered with a simple yes or no. Their answer is irrelevant; the point is to start a conversation that interests the woman you want to bang. The opener should also be neutral; you want to avoid her consciously having to decide whether she is attracted so early in her interaction with you. Delaying this decision is important, he says, because as soon as a man exhibits any behavior that women associate with being hit on, they need to make a yes or no decision about whether they are curious about this particular man. Other elements that “improve” an opinion opener: set up a false time constraint, such as saying that you can only stay for a moment because your friends are waiting for you (stops the group from feeling uncomfortable and wondering how long you will be lingering around them); adding specific details to your opener to make it seem more relevant to you (they call this rooting, I suppose for “rooting” it in reality, despite the reality also being false?); and getting their attention by saying “hey guys” or something similar in a loud voice, and then pausing to see if they stop to look at you. If they don’t, do it again. If you consistently have to resort to a second attempt, you’re not being authoritative enough. Guys is gender-neutral they say, at least in North America, and this shows that it’s irrelevant that they’re women and that you’re obviously not hitting on them.

Situational openers obviously relate to the situation, or environment, where you’re at right now. What type of drink, Where did you get that bracelet? Etc. Most men who don’t have access to the special material in this book use situational openers. But attractive women have heard them thousands of times, so your odds of coming up with something unique are slim to none. If you’re good at improvising, you can use these, but if not, use something that’s more prepared.

No opener. Simply start talking to people. Or just start telling a story, but this is risky because the group is going to wonder why you’re telling them this. This opener is best for a high-energy environment where people are freely mingling and you are surrounded by other people and already being social. High-reward if you pull it off because it shows brass balls and social agility; if successful, you can move right into the Attraction phase.

Screening openers are direct and make your intentions clear. Examples: “I saw you from over there and wanted to see what you were like.” “Is there more to you than meets the eye?” Best suited for bars and nightclubs, places where people are generally flirting. Be playful in your execution and you’ll have a much better chance of winning interest because you’re demonstrating lots of confidence this way. Success with this maneuver skips right to the Qualification phase, but it’s easy to go back later and fill her tiny mind with who you are and why she is interested in you.

Direct is obviously the most direct, I guess. Most useful when a woman is by herself. They credit Badboy Lifestyle for the direct opener. “I like you. I want to get to know you.” “You’re cute.” Etc. They force a woman to decide whether she is interested in getting to know you, but she may know nothing about you except for how you look, dress, and present yourself. Verbal and non-verbal communications need to be very strong. You have a better success rate with a direct opener than a clumsy opinion opener. Most women will at least give you credit for your confidence. And then you can move into normal conversation without the need for a Transition. However, he doesn’t recommend them unless you have particularly advanced skills, you have taken a Badboy Lifestyle workshop, or you are trying out Day Game on a woman with a reasonable expectation that she would be attracted to you by looks and non-verbal communication alone.

Remember your body language. Do things to create an impression that you are social, successful, and high-status. Have women already around you, even average-looking women. Don’t stare around like a shark looking for prey. Watch for invitations to approach, such as repeated eye contact from a woman. Approach right away, the 3 second rule – this makes your opener more spontaneous. Hovering is creepy, so don’t do that. Practice your smile in front of a mirror, as you should smile at women you approach and during your first few seconds of your opener. Practice speaking loudly. Don’t lean in, because it makes you seem like you have lower status than the person you’re talking to. Once again, what if you are hard-of-hearing? Are you supposed to pretend that you aren’t? Does this go back to never mention illness – are we putting disability in the same basket? UGH. Anyway.

Anxious about approaching strangers? Realize that rejection isn’t bad; if you can’t open with any of the groups you approach in a night, they’re rejecting your opener, not you personally, because they don’t even know you. Get warmed up before you go out – ease into the process of being social. Use the opinion opener. Create incentives, like setting a target of a certain number of approaches per day or week. The Venusian Arts Handbook suggests you go out with a friend and give him $200; he will give you $20 back every time you open with someone new. Don’t fear mixed groups; in this circumstance, direct your opening salvo at the men in the group. If you are interesting to THEM, the women will follow. But don’t initiate conflict with the other men, because that will make the women lose interest with your low Social Intuition. Use an opener that is more about events and actions, rather than emotions.

Transitions bridge the gap between Opening and Attraction. There are four types: Content, Observational, Phrasal, and None. Content uses the group’s response to your opener to change the subject. In a previous chapter, they had given an opener example of “My friend Eddie just broke up with his girlfriend. How long do you think he has to wait before asking her friend out?” So, perhaps one of the woman says a friend of hers in London went through a similar situation, and you say, “OH, did you say London? I just got back from there,” or tell an anecdote related to the city, or something like that. The intent is to get her on London, but she might go back to Eddie, either out of social obligation, or she’s not interested in your story, or maybe nothing at all. Keep the conversation moving forward, not backward. A way to do this that’s more advanced is to create the conditions for a transition within the opener. After her initial response, you mention that you and your friend were talking about this on the airplane earlier that day and blah blah. This gives her a space to ask about the plane or your travel plans, etc.

Observational transitions are when you supposedly notice something about her or her group, apparently spontaneously. Delivery is key, they say. This is also connected to “cold reads,” such as telling a woman by herself that “I bet when most people meet you, they think you’re harsh. But my intuition is that you’re actually shy, etc.” It’s like horoscopes; all in the way it’s conveyed to make a person think a common truth is tailored to them. In the sidebar is a rather lengthy routine called the “Best Friends Test” that apparently Style (Neil Strauss) came up with.

Phrasal transition is a way to connect your opener to Attraction, such as “That reminds me of” or “That’s just like when,” etc. Even if there is no connection to the subjects, you can use these. This is the same with using No Transition, where you just begin talking about an unrelated topic. Most people don’t care if there is a relationship between topics, as long as they are entertained. However, this can be awkward, so it’s best to use one of the other types instead.

The Attraction phase begins as soon as you have a normal conversation with a group of strangers, or immediately if she is from your social circle. The phase ends when she is interested or curious about you “as a man” and potential romantic and/or sexual interest. A man. Not a friend, or a clown. A MAN. They feel the need to continually repeat this.

So you want to increase your Value, which is how desirable you are to a specific woman at that moment in time. A woman’s value, they say, is based on how desirable she feels to men in general, so when your value is greater than hers, she will usually become attracted to you. Demonstrating Higher Value, or DHV, is the process by which you increase your value; this is done by letting her discover things about your personality that she likes, and therefore creating attraction. Since you don’t know each other well yet, they mean the ones they previously discussed, like status and wealth and shit like that.

Attraction phase should not take long, maybe twenty minutes at most, and you will do most of the talking. Try to get through it quickly; remember, the name of this model is Emotional Progression, so you guide a woman through multiple emotions until you reach the goal. Also, interactions with strangers can end suddenly and without warning, so you want to at least get to the Comfort phase during the first interaction.

Attraction for men is an on/off switch, whereas for women, it’s like a balloon. Doing things that create attraction inflate the balloon, while toning it down will cause an air leak. Don’t make her go seeking other people to fill her balloon. This is a terrible analogy.

DHV (Demonstrating Higher Value) needs to be conveyed subtly. One way to do this is through disqualification, that is, saying or doing something that someone who was interested in her would likely not say or do. This is to convince her that you are not hitting on her, and therefore, hit on her effectively. Examples: “You’re fun; too bad you’re not my type.” “I love women who are [insert something physical she is not].” Make sure that the disqualifier is understood by the entire group, so they don’t try to “protect” her from you, and also do this very early in the phase, because the longer you talk without disqualifying yourself, the more people will think you are hitting on the woman. You can also use your body language, such as not focusing on her to the exclusion of the group, or not looking over and smiling if she touches you. Very advanced Game can use negs. Ah, here we go. He says right away that negs were “overused and misunderstood” in the old Mystery Method. They have a very limited and specific use and purpose.

A neg is something that appears to be communicated positively, but actually is rather backhanded. Such as “nice nails, are they real?” when you know that they are fake. “You blink a lot.” “Your nose wiggles when you talk.” Etc. The purpose of the neg is three-fold: it disqualifies you, because men who are hitting on a woman don’t generally do this; it temporarily lowers her value; and it increases yours. The negs can actually backfire, because they are used inappropriately. Only neg super-attractive women; don’t overdo it; and don’t draw attention to it. Use it as an aside and keep moving with your story or piece.

Best ways to DHV, in order from most to least effective: observed (she sees you at an exclusive new restaurant and that you are ushered to the best table); learned from a trusted personal source (her friend tells her that you are friends with the owner of the restaurant); learned from a neutral source (sees a picture of you with the owner of the restaurant, or the owner relays some nice shit about you to her when you go to the bathroom); learned from a biased source (your friends tell her that you are friends with the owner); and told (you tell her that you’re friends with the owner). The last is trickiest, because it can easily come off like bragging and that’s not what you want. Therefore, you can embed DHVs, where you drop them into the story where relevant, but where it’s not the purpose of the story. Like you just came back from the airport, which implies that you have a lifestyle where you travel. Make sure the story is still interesting without the embedded DHVs, and it’s better to undersell than oversell.

Then they go back through the characteristics from before (Health, Social Intuition, and so on) and explain ways to communicate them. Health is generally observed, as are Social Intuition and Humor. So, show off your nice body in a way that is fashionable, and make sure your social presence is always “on.” Do something silly when you first meet someone, or a light and funny conversation. Status can be observed, such as getting into an exclusive nightclub, or by using your friends to make comments in her hearing that imply you have status; you can also embed elements in a story by talking about your career, or people you know (but don’t name drop). Wealth is a tricky one, because showing off is crude. Be subtle, like wrapping a hundred dollar bill around a stack of smaller bills. Don’t overspend on her, either. Embedding has to be done very subtly as well. Therefore, your best option is Learned in this case; other people can talk about your wealth all they want to, but you can’t without bragging.

Confidence is observed and can be communicated by strong eye contact, or loud voice. Avoid defensive maneuvers like holding a drink in front of your chest; make your movements slow and relaxed. Being shy and nervous and still getting the girl is a bullshit line from movies, kids. Nope, I call bullshit on YOU. Obviously, in this context it wouldn’t, but it CAN happen, and I speak from experience.

Pre-selection is generally observed, such as having woman already hanging around you, even if you’re not interested in them. Or you can tell a story or two about ex-girlfriends, but don’t go overboard because that looks like either low Social Intuition or that you’re stuck in the past.

Being a Challenge is also something observed. Not being easily won over is intriguing. Why aren’t you hitting on her? A common way a woman will test a man to see if he is a challenge is to ask you to buy them a drink. Don’t do this, unless you were already ordering one while talking to her, as that’s a polite social convention.

Signs of Attraction: she reinitiates conversation when you stop talking; she giggles; she touches you; she asks your name or personal questions, like age or where you live; laughing, smiling, holding eye contact with you. Some passive signs are things like staying to talk to you when her friends all go to the bathroom, or even just spending a significant amount of time talking to you at a busy venue. But remember, no sign is definitive; she can do some of these things and not be attracted, or do none and be attracted. These are just guidelines.

There’s a sidebar on Jealousy here; they say this can be a good thing, as it keeps the interacting challenging, and is a strong emotion, which women like experiencing. It also reassures her that other women find you attractive. It’s better for her to observe such things, such as you being on a date and running into another woman, but the likelihood of that is small, so you might mention on a daytime date that you have to be home by a certain time because a friend of yours is coming over to cook you dinner. Men don’t tend to make plans to cook each other dinner (SEXIST MUCH?) so she’ll assume that this friend is a woman, and therefore a potential rival. But keep it subtle and let her fill in the details herself. As for you, don’t ever be jealous. She had a life before you, and obviously other men found her attractive; don’t get drawn into tests when she drops hints about other men, just change the subject instead of asking leading questions.

Qualification phase – starts when a woman is attracted to you, and ends when she has attracted you to her. Or put another way, when she hits on you and wins your interest. This is the first phase where you should give a woman real compliments. You still will often be doing much of the work here, because life isn’t fair, hafuckingha. But didn’t you approach because you were already interested? Yes, but this gives you reasons to be attracted other than looks, and solidifies her attraction to you.

How do you find attractive qualities? Think about what you really want in a woman and ask yourself how a woman who has these characteristics would present herself; then look for these things during the Qualification phase. He gives his examples as intelligence and education, and he screens for this by asking women during Qualification about books they have read or movies they have seen. And I’m going to tell you that this is an elitist example in a quick Sidequest.

Now, there was a time when I thought this sort of thing – someone that didn’t read books, or the right “type” of books, was not intelligent or educated. Then I got older, and realized that this is bullshit. Intelligence and education come in all categories, and someone who doesn’t know obscure Proustian references or doesn’t watch avant-garde films is not lacking in intelligence. Perhaps they haven’t been exposed to those things before, or their career is mentally taxing enough during the day that they prefer to watch sappy romance stuff or read comic books as a form of escapism. I mean, would you call an astrophysicist “unintelligent,” because they haven’t picked up a book recently? You could, but then you’d be a buffoon. ANYWAY.

If you’re only attracted to the woman’s looks or are only looking for a one-night stand, then you can pick some arbitrary characteristics for her to win you over, but still make yourself a bit of a challenge!

You have to help the woman qualify herself, because most really desirable women aren’t good at this. Most women’s strategy is to go to events where they know a certain man will be present, ensuring she looks hot, and taking advantage of flirty opportunities whilst there. So, if you have just met her, she doesn’t know what to do to win your interest.

How to do this? With Qualifiers. These are anything that helps the woman convey her good qualities to you. Hard qualifiers are like job interviews – you make it obvious that you’re looking for something, and then evaluate her response to that. Soft qualifiers are subtle, and therefore more natural. These are things like topics that will allow her to express some personality, such as travel, her career, pets, and even “what-if” questions. These can be introduced as a question or a statement. Don’t bombard with questions, because that feels like an interview. Interact using a mix of statements and questions.

You can make the qualifier harder by asking an open-ended question, like, “What’s your story?” Then use clarifying questions and anecdotes to guide her into revealing positive qualities. They suggest this option because you can find out more about a person this way, and it also requires her to think, rather than reply with responses that might be ready-made. Even harder are those that can risk you coming off as arrogant, or conversely, socially awkward. These should be reserved for a woman who you feel is interested in you but needs to work harder, such as a VERY attractive woman who probably meets and flirts with a lot of men; you need to make sure YOU stand out. Examples of hardest qualifiers: “So, what do you have going for you?” or “Why should I take your number?”

When a woman reveals something about herself that makes you more interested in her, reward her with an authentic compliment. If she says she loves sailing, for example, compliment her and then talk about a time you went, or why you’d like to learn. If she makes a genuine effort to address a harder qualifier, even if she fails to give much of an answer, reward her; it’s tough to be put on the spot like this. You can be nice and switch to another subject, or try a softer qualifier. How magnanimous of you! But again, don’t make it too easy; qualify her on a few different subjects. Take a little time and space these out, by putting some general conversation between qualifiers. You want this all to feel as natural as possible; women won’t take you seriously if they feel you are insincere, or just checking off a list.

Too many compliments can make her uncomfortable, or lessen your appearance as a challenge. You can do a “pullback,” where you cut the compliment off and change the frame of the conversation with something light and playful, such as a teasing remark. “Too bad you’re such a dork,” or “Too bad you come here,” while smiling and keeping a playful tone.

When she’s done enough work to win you over, let her know by giving an overall compliment, or just come out and say that you are interested or curious about her. Examples, “I wasn’t sure when we first met, but we’ve got a lot in common. Cool,” or “You are amazing.” This lands you in Comfort.

Comfort is where you build that emotional connection and get to know each other, with the end goal of the process making her genuinely comfortable being in a sexual situation with you. Some women reach this easily, while some are more challenging and follow rules such as “3 dates” or “3 months.” You do not need to directly challenge them, they say here, just solve the underlying comfort issues. Move quickly through this phase, though, because there are many variables in a woman’s life that are out of your control; so the more comfort you have built in the time available increases the chance that she will see you as a priority, rather than you getting lost in the shuffle. This process will still take a few hours, though; seeing her more over a shorter period of time is best.

The basic comfort list includes learning about each other’s lives and families, shared values, sharing vulnerabilities, making future plans, leading her through a range of emotions, being trustworthy, and not pressuring her for sex. No, perhaps not pressure, but . . . we’ll get to that. You need to start building comfort during your first interaction, otherwise the odds of seeing her again are pretty low, even if you did get her number or set up a date.

Obstacles to building comfort during the first interaction are other people, like her group of friends; or the situation you are currently in, such as the environment or the amount of time available to you in said environment. To solve the group dynamics issue, you have to create a situation where you can have a private conversation with her, away from her friends. You start slowly, and move her a few feet away, perhaps; then position yourself between her and her group. If you want to move her further, you need a pretext, such as temperature switch, or quieter place to hear each other, and so on. Don’t push this too far too quickly, however, because that could make her uncomfortable. You can acknowledge the group’s potential concerns subtly, such as “Do you guys mind if I borrow your friend for a few minutes? We’ll be right over there, and we’ll leave some chairs empty if you want to join us.” Don’t say something like, “Don’t be worried, I’m harmless,” because that makes you actually weak and submissive sounding. Starting private conversations is also easier if you have a wing with you.

Some quick ways to build comfort are going to a different venue, even if all of her friends come, too. You can also use conversational tactics to direct the conversation to more intimate topics, such as using truth or question “games.” Make some arbitrary rules so that it appears more like a game and less like a contrivance, such as “questions can only be ten words or less.” Set the tone by making the questions quite personal, such as “Have you ever kissed your friend’s boyfriend?” or “What one thing would you least want your parents to know about you?” Another way is building vague future plans, such as “oh, we should check out x exhibit” if you both share an interest in museums. Don’t try to turn it into a date, unless she does. Inside jokes are another way; give her a nickname early in the attraction phase and doing a callback can build comfort. This builds an “us versus the world” dynamic, which is helpful.

Building comfort is not easy because you have to sustain attraction and qualification, and also increase physical intimacy at the same time. Don’t become an orbiter, a man in her social circle who desires her but can’t develop a romantic relationship with her. You also don’t want to be friendzoned. Therefore, you have to refresh her attraction to you periodically and continue qualification, even if this extends to a relationship, because women need to be constantly reassured why you like them.

As for physical intimacy, you decide when to initiate touch, when to escalate it, and when to pull back. For example, if you’re holding her hand for a bit, and you sense she is going to pull away, you break contact first. This makes you the one setting the barrier, not her. When you break the physical touch, do so completely. If you are holding hands and stroking her hair, and she doesn’t seem comfortable with one of them, stop doing both. Now she will feel the loss of comfort and may be driven to initiate the touching herself. Even when you’re establishing the touch, make it like she’s the initiator, such as putting her hand on your arm or leg, rather than you putting yours on hers. This is far less threatening because she can move her hands at any moment and not have to be defensive against your hands. Progressively test and push her boundaries. If she is comfortable holding hands, put her on your lap; if she’s comfortable on your lap, bite her neck. Cut off immediately if you start to feel resistance; if she’s sitting on your lap, push her off and playfully tell her to stop trying to seduce you. He says that this might feel awkward at first, and doesn’t make sense to many men, but works with women. I am a woman, and I do not understand this. I’m a bit old-fashioned so I can’t see myself doing some of these things with a guy I have only known for a very short while and have just met. (Not that I have to worry about any of this stuff anymore, thankfully)!

Don’t ever talk about what you’re doing and in fact, having her distracted is better. Make your touch exciting so that she become curious about what more intense touching would feel like. Don’t hold her hand limply – run your fingers lightly over her palm or the back of her hand. If you have an arm around her, use your hand to rub her neck or shoulders.

Now we come to Seduction, and the part that I, personally, take umbrage with. Seduction is when the woman is comfortable enough to engage in sexual behavior with you (more than kissing) in a place where sex could realistically happen (so, not in public, unless you’re both into that), and ends the first time you have sex. If you want to be there a second time, that’s relationship phase, which they’ll get to shortly.

If you’ve done a good job with attraction, qualification, and comfort and are not in a rush, then you will eventually progress to seduction. Women want and enjoy sex as much as men, and arousal for them happens just as quickly. However, sexual decision-making does not. Logically, she shouldn’t have sex with you yet. You’re new. She might feel like she’s easy; it might make her emotionally vulnerable; she risks losing your interest because she let things move too quickly; and of course, the usual risks of pregnancy and STIs. Society is pretty judgmental about women’s sexual behavior and few women want to be thought of in a derogatory manner because they like to sleep with men, especially shortly after meeting them. So, Seduction is a woman’s last chance to either do or ditch, essentially.

Seduction tips – make the journey feel natural. Avoid any jarring interruptions, what they call “state breaks.” Things like coming home with you, taking off clothes, moving to a different room, are all things that will make a woman logically and consciously address having sex with you, and opens the door for her to think about NOT doing so. They say that this is not the same as hypnotizing or confusing her so she’s not capable of rational thought, and sex should absolutely be consensual; however, they talk about a method for her NOT to engage her rational, logical thought processes called Avoid/Blur/Distract. Avoidance bypasses a state break entirely; blurring reduces its intensity; and distraction is well, distraction to focus her on something else. They provide potential state breaks, and how you can use these tools to get to the sexin’.

The state break: bringing her home. Avoid by not getting sexual until you get home, plan to do activities in or near your house if you’re on a date, or make her comfortable with being in your house before you try to seduce her. Also avoid by assume that you’re taking her home with you. Blur by bringing her home for a reason other than sex – oh, is this where you invite her home to show her your etchings? Distract by talking nonstop on the ride to your house.

The state break: moving to the bedroom. Avoid by having sex on the couch instead, or put something non-sexual and interesting to do in the bedroom so you already have her there for a different purpose. Blur by taking her in there for a reason other than sex. Distract by arousing her, or just picking her up and carrying her into the bedroom – distraction and perhaps ALSO arousal, oh ho, two for one!

The state break: removing clothes. Avoid by only removing what is necessary to do the do. Blur by steadily intensifying sexual touching and not suddenly moving from one activity or erogenous zone to another. Distract with physical pleasure whilst removing clothes.

The state break: condom. Avoid by – nothing. Don’t avoid. Well, points for not advocating unsafe sex. Blur by keeping condoms near the bed or one in your pants pocket. Distract by pleasuring her whilst you put one on.

The state break: penetration. The only real option her is to blur, by teasing and intensifying contact so that sex can “just happen.”

So, again, how is this not creepy? To me, this feels like they are using what many females would ordinarily do (need time to think about things and process their emotions about you, the potential penis) as a WEAPON AGAINST THEM.

Alcohol can build comfort and let a woman feel less responsible. But don’t get her drunk to have sex with her, because that is rape. You shouldn’t have to say this, but good that you did. Also, that if she says No or Stop to do so immediately. However, token objections like “we shouldn’t be doing this” should be agreed with, and try again, and if she says it again, that’s a no and you have to stop. I would argue that you should stop the first time and let her tell you if she actually meant it.

You can’t insist on sex if she isn’t willing, but you don’t have to accept her compromise, either. She may want to just lay next to you and kiss all night, and you want sex. Explain to her that will make you aroused and frustrated and you’d prefer to wait until she’s more comfortable. Don’t show any resentment or annoyance; don’t tell her it’s all the way or nothing because she may feel manipulated. But see what happens when you try sexually touching her again, because she may let you past her previous resistance point. If not, take a break, do something non-sexual, and see if she reinitiates contact shortly.

Again, this is rage-inducing. Even though the sex might be consensual, she might still feel guilty about it later once she is able to engage her feelings when alone. And this makes you a dick. Seriously, if a woman is into you, what’s wrong with waiting? Fellas, take note: your peen will not fall off if you don’t stick it into a vag to “preserve” it every so often.

The next chapter discusses relationships – running the gamut between traditional (two monogamous people) to multiple (commitment to each other but no limits on action with other people) to Friends with Benefits. Don’t think of relationship management as “what do you do after you sleep with her.” Woman don’t wait until they sleep with someone before thinking about where the relationship is going, so you shouldn’t either. Don’t lie – you’ll get caught, she’ll feel justified in lying to YOU, and you appear weak. In addition, all communication relies on honesty and if the moral foundation of a relationship is weak (based on lies), the whole thing comes tumbling down.

I won’t go into all the in-depth they do here about how to do relationships, but just point out a few things. After you have sex with her, if you want a traditional relationship, call the next day – not to “check in,” not to talk about the sex you had, but something you would have told her even if you hadn’t tumbled into bed the day previously. A point for that, I guess?

If you want to keep your relationship undefined, you need to mix enough dates in with sex so that she doesn’t think of the relationship as Friends with Benefits, but also doesn’t see you as a boyfriend. Therefore, their advice is to not see her more than once a week. Don’t be too available when she calls. Keep the same mental attitude, as if you had a good first or second date with her and are curious to find out more, no matter how many times you’ve seen each other.

Let’s skip the Social Circle chapter and take a look at Day Game. This is where you meet a woman outside of clubs and bars and such, in more daytime-oriented settings such as coffee shops or malls. This chapter is written by Sinn, the guy from the introduction and the apparent “master” of day game. Advantages: women are usually sober; this gives you a chance to meet the women who do not go to bars and clubs; you can approach women as you go about your daily life; you can fit it in when you have time; women are more often by themselves. Disadvantages: fewer approachable women in the spot; women are busier during the day; some people are not in “social mode” during the day whilst going about their shopping or whatever.

Basic strategy: leave home ready to meet people. Be well groomed. Be social. Work on your body language. Touch everyone new you meet in a friendly manner – yeah, this doesn’t age well, huh?

Day Game is different than regular game because the energy level needs to be lower, and you should focus more on solo women rather than those in groups. Try to move quickly to qualification, as time is of the essence. Use instant dates. If you’re already in a bookstore with a coffee shop, you can easily move locations without really moving locations. Look for opportunities to prepare ground for an opener. His suggestion is to ask a woman at a coffee shop table to watch your laptop while you hit the restroom; then when you come back, start talking to her as if you’d already been chatting. Yeah, no. I’m not watching anyone’s belongings when I do not know them. I never even left my purse with a man until he was my boyfriend for a certain period of time. No trust? Damned skippy. That is how the world is now. You don’t have to like it (and I don’t), but you do have to respect it.

Sinn returns for the next chapter, which is Stripper Game. Strip clubs post unique challenges. Time your visits; at the very beginning or the end of the month, debts and bills pile up, so strippers will be more focused on making money than getting picked up. Avoid being a customer; as many strippers have a rule against dating them, and once you pay her for anything, that’s more valuable than someone who wants to date her. Avoid the first row in front of the stage, also known as Pervert Row. Befriend someone on the inside, like the manager or the DJ. Control the conversation; everything she says in the first few minutes is a routine, so change the subject and stick to your material. Sit alone, because it makes you more approachable. Stay away from sexual topics, and make sure she does as well. Don’t mention the club or the current situation to get her out of thinking of her job. Make sure she knows that you are a “stripper boyfriend,” as some men can’t handle the reality of dating them. Act bored by her world, so you can show that you’re an insider and that all of this doesn’t bother you.

Skipping some of the rest of this, but in the chapter on Storytelling, something there annoys me, as well. He writes up scenarios where you’d be talking to a woman, and in one of them, he writes in brackets, “When I’m creating sample dialogues, sometimes I have the woman say something ridiculous to indicate that the exact content of her response is IRRELEVANT to what I’m going to say next.” So, see? It’s just a routine and you’re not expected to actually listen; to me, that’s fucked. But I guess that’s because my “woman brain” is sooo different. Also, he uses the word “retarded” in his story and that is not cool ever.

There’s a whole chapter about Phone Game, but I would imagine most of this is outdated, as younger people don’t really talk anymore, they text and chat with their thumbs. But if you are still curious, a few “pointers” from this section. If you want to refresh her attraction to you, you can demonstrate that you are a challenge by, for example, telling her you’ll call her back in an hour and not doing so. If you’re getting nowhere, try calling at midnight. You may wake her up, so make sure you can be immediately entertaining from the second she answers. (Start with a high-energy, funny, short routine. Don’t even introduce yourself). [This would be the best way that a guy would NEVER get a date from me. Unless you are dying, you do NOT fucking call me at midnight. I am sleeping. And if it’s a weeknight, you are especially toast. I have work the next day. Don’t you, douchebag? Finally, there’s the Greatest Text Message Ever(TM). Send her the text: “I just met your twin.” This may not only jar her into responding, but may prompt her to compete for your affection with a response like “Is she prettier than me?” or “I’m cooler.” Nope. My response would be: oh, that’s nice (like Shirley from Community).

In 2010, Braddock, another guru, wrote The Ultimate Guide to Text and Phone Game, and I also found an entire manual of routines, but I’m sure you’ve had enough of this, right? I sure as shit have.

[break]

Like many things in life, when you get to the very heart or kernel, you might find a little bit of truth. Strip away all of the routines and bullshit here, and you get to a core of gaining confidence so that you can approach strangers. Are there better ways to go about this? Sure. And for a certain type of guy, becoming successful at this sort of game might become dangerous, especially if they are taking everything contained in these books to heart. It’s manipulative, for both the women they are targeting, as well as the men to whom this garbage is marketed.

And we have seen the danger that this has already wrought. People like Eliot Rodgers, who bought wholesale into the PUA community and it didn’t work for him, leading to his redpill bullshit manifesto and murderous rampage through the streets of Santa Barbara, California, in 2014. He’s the most extreme example, but there are points where the PUA and MRA communities intersect; each is disturbing enough on its own!

Even within the community, the instructors have not evaded negative press and criticism. Also in 2014, Julien Blanc, instructor for Real Social Dynamics, had to move the Canadian tour of its “bootcamps” to YouTube, out of fear that instructors would be harmed; Blanc had come under fire for his style, which involved grabbing women’s heads and shoving them in his crotch, essentially, and his Twitter feed was full of misogyny. A Change.org petition garnered tens of thousands of signatures to keep him out of Canada, and I guess, in a way, it worked.

Roosh V is another name you might never have heard of, and if that is the case, be glad. His claim to PUA fame were his series of Bang books, about getting laid in various countries. He is a violent misogynist, claiming to be “neomasculine,” which is a fancy way for his garbage self to espouse the idea that women are only worth the sexual pleasure they provide; we’re all jizz receptacles and too inferior to be allowed to vote. Aaand, in many of his Bang books (which I believe have since been pulled from Amazon and such but are probably still floating around the internet), he basically condones rape. In the show notes, there is a link to some of his more, shall we say, choice quotes on the Southern Poverty Law Center website.

There are others, but you get the point. And now, dear listener, you might be saying to yourself – okay, so those are just extreme examples; and this is just your opinion. Acknowledged. One woman’s opinion. What about a professional one, then?

Not too much study has gone into the PUA community and its potential effects, but I did locate a fairly recent study performed at the Douglas Research Center at McGill University in Canada. The article was published in early 2020. The study looked at why young men join the “seduction community,” and the impacts on their lives, through a frame of mental health and well-being.

They went really in-depth, using multiple facets (lengthy in-person interviews, watching them run game, attending PUA events, and even temporarily living in the same house with several PUAs for a period of time) over the course of a year. They found five overlapping themes: loneliness and social inclusion; lack of male role models and need for guidance; mental health and well being issues; skill acquisition and personal development; and the dark side of pick-up.

Many participants in the study reported that they had few or even no friends, and that this loneliness led to further feelings of frustration and despair, which led them to the seduction community, in the hope that learning how to meet women and/or get a girlfriend would help them find a sense of purpose. Some even generalized it to just learning how to meet . . . people, for friendship, and not even to get anyone into bed. On the impact side, joining the community led to many of them making friends and widening their social circle, especially with men, as they would “wing” together and learn from each other.

Another reason for joining the community was a lack of knowledge of how to “be a man,” and what a good relationship looks like. Several participants were raised by single mothers so had insufficient guidance on how to act, and even how to interact with women; others had distracted fathers or those who came to the country as immigrants and therefore, unsure of the social norms of their new home. Of course, the dark side to finding role models in the instructors of PUA is that some followers do so unquestioningly, leading to almost cult-like behavior.

Third, mental health issues, not necessarily a formal diagnosis, but overall sense of mental well being – issues with shyness, or social anxiety, or introversion and wanting to address them. Several cited being the “nerdy” kid and wanting to break out of that mindset. Overall, participation in the community tended to have a positive effect on the participants, boosting their confidence levels in other aspects of their lives outside picking up women. Skill acquisition and personal development rather overlaps with this.

All of the previous themes have potential negative effects, but they also reiterate them in five, the dark side of pick-up. Many pointed out that the community can become addictive – pick-up at the detriment of all other aspects of life, like school or work. They’re constantly thinking about women and how to approach, no matter the situation. Some recognized that the terms and routines used are definitely objectifying women. For some, the promiscuity aspect finally got to them, and they had recently disengaged from the community.

In conclusion, the researchers discuss an interesting angle with regard to the seduction community – they state that some of the practices common within the community resemble some aspects of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, specifically, acquiring new social skills, setting an action plan, and doing a form of “homework” to help reach those goals. In the PUA community, participants learn the skills and how to set goals and actions through the books and the bootcamps and even YouTube vids; then they practice routines on strangers, which would be “homework,” etc. Perhaps this is what is needed – a form of male-targeted programs that focus on the positive aspects, without the objectification and misogyny.

And apparently, that is what Neil Strauss is trying to do these days. After publication of The Game, he was so deep into the PUA mindset that, even after retiring from the community and trying to pursue a relationship with a woman he really cared about, he couldn’t stop going after other women. He got treatment for sex addiction, and also discovered he had some other mental health issues he need to work on. He’s now a husband and father of two kids, and has left that life behind for good, he says. He published a follow-up called The Truth, and now teaches seminars to men to help build their confidence, without “sarging” in bars or nightclubs to pick up conquests every night. In a 2015 article with The Guardian, he says, “It used to be that, if I wasn’t OK with myself, she was going to make me OK with myself – because she’s beautiful, because she likes me. But if she doesn’t like me or respond to me, then I’m not OK, I’m a failure. The goal now is really to be OK with yourself, to not need anything else. And maybe once you’re OK with yourself, you can see people as they are, without them having to give commentary on who you are or what your status is.”

Well, that’s the show. Please like, subscribe, rate, all that good stuff. The Forgotten Library is available on most podcast aggregators. There’s a Twitter account and now a Tumblr for side projects and other little bits that won’t fit other places, so please check it out. Transcripts and source materials are available on the website, and if you enjoy what I do and would like to show some appreciation, you can Buy Me a Coffee – think of it as a little tip jar that takes Paypal and Stripe. Links for all of this are in the show description.

Until next time, I’m Nikki Gee, your intrepid library haunter.

References

Chazin, S. (August 17, 1981). Some Women Would Tell Eric Weber to Buzz Off, but Men Are Buying His Line on Picking Up Girls. People. https://people.com/archive/some-women-would-tell-eric-weber-to-buzz-off-but-men-are-buying-his-line-on-picking-up-girls-vol-16-no-7/

Kennedy, J. (November 13, 2014). RSD moves seminars to Web over fears for safety of instructors. Global News (Canada). https://globalnews.ca/news/1662001/online-campaign-hopes-to-ban-pick-up-artist-julien-blanc-from-canada/

Lamont, T. (October 10, 2015). Neil Strauss: ‘My thinking was: If this woman’s going to be naked with me – I must be OK. It doesn’t last.” The Guardian. https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/oct/10/neil-strauss-the-game-book-truth

Levitt, A. (April 9, 2008). Cock and Awe. Riverfront Times. https://www.riverfronttimes.com/stlouis/cock-and-awe/Content?oid=2454212

Daryush “Roosh” Valizadeh. Southern Poverty Law Center. https://www.splcenter.org/fighting-hate/extremist-files/individual/daryush-roosh-valizadeh

Strauss, N. (January 25, 2004). He Aims! He Shoots! Yes!! The New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/2004/01/25/style/he-aims-he-shoots-yes.html

Whitley, R., and Zhou, J. (2020). Clueless: an ethnographic study of young men who participate in the seduction community with a focus on their psychosocial well-being and mental health. PLoS ONE 15(2): e0229719. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0229719