Episode 16 - The Good Housekeeping Marriage Book

Welcome back to the Forgotten Library; I’m Nikki Gee. Today’s episode involves a selection I hadn’t planned to do a show on, but after reading it, I felt I needed to bring it to you, lovely listeners. We’re going to look at The Good Housekeeping Marriage Book, an advice relic from the late 1930s. While a few items in here stand the test of time, much of it does not. We’ve got misogyny and female blame; we’ve got outdated notions about children and family life; and of course, some eugenics!

Good Housekeeping is an American institution; even today, their Seal of Approval and test kitchen are still going strong. Good Housekeeping, the publication, was first printed in 1885 by Clark W. Bryan. At that time, its full title was Good Housekeeping: conducted in the interests of the higher life of the household. In addition to what one might expect, such as tips on homemaking, recipes, and the like, there was also fiction and poetry; the magazine was originally published every two weeks, but eventually shifted to a monthly issue.

Over the next several years, Good Housekeeping took up the cause of warning the populace against food adulteration, which was quite prevalent at the time – some adulterations were swindles, such as watering down milk, or selling cottonseed oil as olive oil; but others were quite dangerous, such as candy manufacturers using arsenic or lead as a coloring agent. These articles led to the magazine creating its own Experiment Station, which would later be renamed the Good Housekeeping Institute; the station or institute was a chemical lab, a model kitchen, and a testing room, for staffers to test and expose adulterated food, test out recipes they published in the magazine, and also try out gadgets and appliances they wished to endorse within their pages. Those that made it received the Seal of Approval. Good Housekeeping’s work on adulterated food, along with articles by Dr. Harvey Wiley, helped to pass the Pure Food and Drug Act in 1906, which was a precursor to the Food and Drug Administration as we know it today. Wiley, who was at the Department of Agriculture, became the Institute’s director of the Bureau of Foods, Sanitation, and Health, answering reader questions and continuing to publish articles on deceptive food practices and food safety.

Interesting sidenote: as early as 1928, Dr. Wiley surmised the cause of lip, tongue, and throat cancers to be smoking.

As the years went on, Good Housekeeping set new standards for various products and materials, from toys and crib sheets, to bicycle helmets and pool safety.

Over the years, Good Housekeeping published some cookbooks and entertaining guides, and also, apparently, this Marriage Book, which was originally published in 1938. The book is comprised of 12 different essays regarding marriage and family , and are penned by different authors. So the structure of today’s show is going to be a little bit different. Normally I introduce the author at the top along with a little bit about the book, but since it’s 11 different authors, I’m going to discuss them as we go along. Let’s begin.

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The Good Housekeeping Marriage Book: twelve steps to a happy marriage begins with a preface from William F. Bigelow, the editor of the Good Housekeeping Magazine for over 25 years. This book came about due to a newspaper article where students at one of the California universities had requested a course on marriage and family; a very small article, and involving one school, but he wondered how many other young people were probably thinking the same thing, both in college and outside of it. Despite what some of his contemporaries might think, he knows that young people can be serious, and have a good sense of morality, and be successful in relationships. So he said, Challenge accepted, and rounded up some experts, and here we are.

Chapter One – When He Comes A-Courting, by Dr. Ernest R. Groves. Dr. Groves was a Professor of Sociology at the University of North Carolina, and before that, Boston University. He had a divinity degree from Yale and a doctorate in literature from Florida Southern College. He started teaching a class on marriage and the family in 1925 and urged other schools to follow suit, theorizing that more knowledge on the subject would cut the divorce rate. He also wrote a few books on the subject, including The Marriage Crisis, Parents and Children, and The American Family. So obviously, he had quite the credentials at the time.

What was he telling young people of the late 1930s? Instead of focusing on marriage, he decides to give guidance on the courtship aspects, of attempting to choose one’s life mate:

- Don’t fall in love with the first person who comes along; meet as many people as you can. Make lots of friends without trying for popularity, and thus give yourself plenty of opportunities among those of your acquaintance.

- Don’t judge people by how they act or look at parties. Observe people in regular, everyday situations as well. In this way you will see the characteristics you would like (and those you dislike) in a potential mate.

- Know thyself; become better acquainted with your own emotions and motives and desires by your interactions with other people. A potential mate will bring out your best self.

- Does your potential mate wear well? Are you easily bored now? Well, it’ll only get worse from here!

- You need to discover whether your potential other half has emotional maturity and will grow and change with you as you age together; otherwise, at least one of you will be unhappy.

- Will they put you first? Beware of those who still seem very attached to their mother or father.

- Are they a fair weather person, or courageous? Marriage is fraught with all types of potential challenges, and you want someone who will stand with you in the storm, not turn tail and run.

These are actually still pretty useful pieces of advice – I don’t really have anything snarky to say about this part.

Groves opines that it would be much easier for young people if courtship ideas didn’t appear at the same time that their bodies are going through puberty. However, he neglects to mention that the mores of the time period were also such that many felt they needed to get married young, due to the burgeoning sexual urges and societal pressures.

Those who expect marriage to fulfill their entire life’s purpose are bound to be disappointed. But once again, that was kind of the prevailing attitude of the day – if you didn’t get married, especially a woman, you were considered defective in some way.

He also advises that young people on the eve of marriage should receive friendly counsel on sexual activity, so that the fears and anxiety can be assuaged prior to the first nighttime excursion to the bedroom. Doctors can offer premarital examinations that will make sure that there are no physical issues to be surmounted, and also offer birth-control instruction, if requested. He advises all young engaged couples to make appointments at least two weeks before the wedding, if not a month. The young should also read a book or two on the subject to help relieve their fears. Not only is all of this good for sexual adjustment right after marriage, but, he adds, it encourages a smart attitude towards other difficulties that may arise during the marriage – face it frankly, understand it, and seek a professional’s advice if needed.

Chapter Two – Now that you are engaged, by Dr. James L. McConaughy. Dr. McConaughy was governor of Connecticut but started his career in academia. He was president of Knox College in Illinois, and later, Wesleyan University. He became Lt. Governor of Connecticut in 1939, so right after the publication of this book, and then eventually was elected Governor in 1947, but only served one year before he died in office. His political focus was education (naturally) as well as issues regarding care of seniors and veterans; he also pushed for integration of Connecticut’s National Guard.

Dr. McConaughy says that the engagement period is an important time of growth and understanding between the couple. He states that college-educated couples have a higher percentage of successful marriages – a lower rate of divorce, going by that metric. Now, at first blush this seems to be a biased statement, given the author’s background; however, throughout the twentieth century, several studies seemed to agree with this finding. A 2013 study from the Bureau of Labor Statistics took data from the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth 1979 (which involved a cohort of Baby Boomers born during the years 1957-1964) and found that college-educated men and women married older than those who had fewer years of schooling, and the chances of their marriage ending in divorce was also lower, 30% versus over 50%. Of course, we know that many other factors could be at play here, socioeconomic data, for example. Poorer couples have greater burdens on them as well as fewer sources of support, and therefore, might be at higher risk for divorce.

Back to the book. McConaughy thinks that the lower rate of divorce is because college graduates really think about picking their mates and preparing for marriage. But he admits that marriage can be just as successful for those who did not go to college, as long as everyone uses their brains. Parents can make suggestions and give advice, but ultimately need to let their children make their own decisions.

More successful marriages are due to each partner having had boyfriends or girlfriends before. This is how you learn and grow. You might marry the first person with whom you think you are in love, and then, after a few years go by, you discover that you have grown and changed and your partner has not, or has grown in a different way, and now you longer have common interests or desires. So, the engagement period is the time to prove the quality of love. Women, are you able to learn and grow, and keep up with your husband while he advances in the world of men, and you are confined to housework? Men, will you be able to share your experiences with your wife, despite the fact that these experiences will be very different now? Notice that these are not really the same question.

The engagement time can be difficult. Small irritants may now become huge in comparison. A trait you might have found “cute” in your future husband may now be annoying as hell. Don’t get married because you think that you will change him; that never works out. A known romance killer is thoughtless quarreling. You will have a few arguments – it’s life and it happens. But when it’s constant criticism, or nagging, or exhibitions of jealousy (or trying to make the other jealous).

Before you marry, you also need to make sure that you are on the same page about important issues. Such as, is one standard of “moral conduct” applied to both halves of the couple? How soon after marriage does the couple want to start a family? Women, will you be able to have your own interests and friends, amusements and money? Draw up a budget and discuss these things.

Never both lose your temper at the same time. Make the other laugh daily. Learn to play together. Women, learn about golf or fishing; if he likes baseball and invites you to a game, go! Men, if she likes to go to museums, go with her and let her teach you a thing or two. Exercise is always good for health as well as a way to do something fun together. Good conversation in mixed groups is good for women and men. Too many American husbands don’t draw out their womenfolk and tend to have contempt for their ideas. Don’t be that guy.

Long engagements don’t tend to be as successful; if the couple is sure, they should be encouraged to marry as soon as possible. If money is an issue, perhaps the parents of the couple can assist with a small allowance, or pledge to help if financial difficulties crop up in the early days of their marriage, from a new baby, or illness, or unemployment. However, if either of the couple is in debt, they should fix that first before their nuptials. Ditto if you are still in school; graduate first, and if you are heading on to graduate school, or an internship, wait to marry until your professional training is complete. This will be financially beneficial in the long run.

Don’t get married in secret; this is very rarely wise.

Brides, it is your job to choose your wedding date; grooms, it is on you to arrange the honeymoon. Therefore, be thoughtful and don’t plan something arduous after the wedding – wedding planning is tiring (HEAR, HEAR) so don’t make your destination very far or decide that part of the trip is to meet your family. Pick somewhere quiet and intimate for just the two of you to rest, relax, and enjoy each others’ time.

Obviously, after the wedding, you will live where the husband’s job is. If you live in a small town rather than the big city, so much the better; it’s more likely that you will be able to have a home of your own. If not financially feasible, and the newlyweds must live with one of their parents, it’s important that they have their own privacy.

As to whether the woman should work after marriage, this is debated, but some say that women are better off emotionally if they have something to do outside the home, but nothing too fatiguing. And you should wait to have sex until after your marriage. Postponing boning leads to a higher rate of success in your marriage. People will judge you because it’s still kind of seen as taboo. No birth control method is 100% safe except for abstinence, and if you get your woman “in trouble,” that casts aspersions on you, young man, especially if you end up not marrying in the end. Yes, this sometimes happens, and if you have engaged in intercourse together, this will make it harder when you take up with the next person. So just wait.

Doctors are a good place to go for advice on sexual matters prior to marriage. Sexual education is necessary, but premarital experience is not.

Chapter 3 – Ought I to Marry? By Dr. Ellsworth Huntington. Huntington was a professor of geography at Yale University, the least objectionable thing on his resumé. Much of his work revolved around environmental determinism, which supposes that the physical environment of a society determines how it develops. Climate, ecology, and other geographical factors are responsible for cultural development and not, say, social conditions. An example of this would be to say that a tropical island is less developed because continuously warm weather makes survival easier and therefore, the people do not have to work as hard and are lazy. Huntington, as you might guess, also was a proponent of scientific racism, which claimed that there was empirical evidence to justify that certain races were inferior. This tended to go hand in hand with eugenics, which we’ll get to in a bit.

Ought I to marry? Not a simple question, and is actually three questions. Have I a right to marry? Is it wise for me to marry? And Is it my duty to marry?

If you think these answers are your own business, you thought wrong, sucka! The answers are important to many people – the person you want to marry, your putative children, and even your grandchildren, not to mention the greater swath of mankind.

Let’s take these subquestions one at a time. Have I a right to marry? You should be physically fit. If you have a venereal disease, then no, you have no right to marry, even if you have been cured; you need to be cleared by a doctor and pronounced cured without any danger of recurrence. So, if you had syphilis during this era, that’s a negative, as there was no cure.

A competent physician should examine the man and woman who wish to marry, and be thorough, for security and trust as well as to determine whether it’s possible for both parties to have children. Because of course, it’s obvious from physical examination in 1938. Everyone should have children. In many countries sterility is sufficient grounds for divorce, and in an ideal civilization, the sterile would marry the sterile, and the fertile the fertile. How dare you doom your partner to a childless marriage? It’s a very rare woman who doesn’t desire children, and she is to be pitied. Of course, if it’s something unforeseen that makes a marriage childless, it doesn’t need to be unhappy. You can always adopt children. In case you haven’t realized already, children are necessary for happiness to everyone. Besides, who will take care of you in your doddering years if not your children?

There are many hereditary defects that might lead to an unhappy marriage. Some are external, like a harelip or misshapen fingers, while others are not readily apparent, such as predisposition to heart disease or diabetes; the latter is more insidious as they tend to lead to frequent illnesses or early deaths. Some of these defects may not be hereditary at all; they might be caused by environment or something that happened during pregnancy or early infancy, we’re not sure! So, consult a doctor, be sensible about such matters, and the best thing is to avoid marrying someone with the same defects so that your children will have a better chance of avoiding it.

Now, when we come to “mental deficiency,” well, that’s a different story. There are many forms – idiots and imbeciles, of course, but there are some “high grade” mental weaklings, such as feeble-minded persons. Feeble-minded people tend to be attractive and are eager to marry, and what’s worse, they tend to marry someone just like them! And then they have children, who will inherit this deficiency and soon we will be overrun!

Other mental weakness is emotional – crybaby men who can’t stand up for themselves, women who are prone to deep depression, boys and girls of hysterical natures, or suspicious of everyone, or lack self-control, and on and on. It is very hard to decide whether these persons are fit for marriage, despite also having good qualities in other aspects of their personality.

The best influence is the correct environment; the best health is maintained at about 63 degrees, as that is the temperature when people feel comfortable, vigorous, and will sleep soundly and restfully at night. Ah, I suppose that’s my problem – I live in Florida. And children conceived during this type of weather are much stronger and have more vigor. This breeds many eminent people, who tend to live very long lives.

So if weather can effect the vigor of the putative parents, diet and lifestyle may have similar effects. Especially the mother, as biologists doubt at this point whether the sperm cells can be weakened from environment. There have been some experiments but nothing concrete in 1938. In 2021, we know that some factors can be at play that affect the quantity of sperm cells, and even their motility, but more research is needed.

Even if you are physically fit and healthy, and have no mental issues to speak of, do you have the good qualities that make you a good candidate for marriage? Are you well-versed in compromise? Do you treat others well? Et cetera.

If you answer yes to this question, then ask yourself, Is it wise for me to marry? Most people are happier married than alone. Male and female were made to live together. When the two are similar in ideals and habits and can enjoy each other’s company, and of course, have children. You’re not a real family without children. In fact, the idea of marriage is hollow unless your home resounds with the echoes of children’s laughter.

Now, we move to the third question: Is it my duty to marry? Of course it is! If the conditions are favorable, you would be a fool not to do so.

The birthrate is falling quickly. Don’t let your family stock die out, and lose your good biological inheritance. Your children make a real home, and few things are more needed in America. Get your ass married . . . provided you are not mentally unfit.

Chapter Four – Should Wives Work? By Eleanor Roosevelt. This was quite the “get” for the time! Roosevelt was the wife of Franklin Delano Roosevelt, and she was the current First Lady at the time of this book’s publication. Eleanor was an interesting woman – very liberal for her time, didn’t always agree with her husband’s political views, was pro civil rights, but also was privately anti-Semitic. She also had very close personal relationships with other women, and it is still debated by scholars whether these turned sexual, especially with Lorena Hickok, an Associated Press reporter when the pair met and then was compromised by J. Edgard Hoover’s blackmailing tactics.

So, the First Lady was quite busy during this time, and yet, still wrote out some thoughts on whether women could marry and still have a career . . . which is exactly what she did. However, she says that most women marry and work, but the work is not a career; and marriage in itself can also be a career. There is no definitive answer to this question, as it depends on the individuals involved.

The real question is Are you able to carry on two full-time jobs? Can you do this day in and day out, working as well as adjusting yourself to a stranger’s personality, perhaps bearing children, which only adds to the physical strain? (She’s showing her hand here a bit, as she was none too fond of having to raise children, apparently, and told one of her daughters in later life that sex was merely something to be borne). Yes, a stranger, because even if you think you know a person, you don’t really know them until you have been married for some time.

The woman is the one managing the household alone, not just the physical home, but the marriage – study your husband, his interests, his quirks. By doing so, you can bring out the best in him, and experience his career vicariously. However, some women will not be happy doing this; some are even self-supporting these days, which changes their relationship to men and marriage. Many younger people are marrying with the realization that both must work until the husband can provide for both of them or they have saved enough so that the woman does not have to work. But the woman will work regardless, whether inside or outside the home.

She knows of a young couple where both worked and received the same wages; both continued to work after marriage, and the man even seemed to feel an equal responsibility in the household. After she made the dinner, her husband put on an apron and pitched in with dishes.

Some women really like to work, but unfortunately, many are forced to do so for material security. In poorer families, there is no choice – this is survival. For those who have the choice, some enjoy having something else to do, and the extra money it gives them. However, even if your woman only stays at home and manages that, recognize and appreciate that this is real work. Many women become restless and dissatisfied that their contributions to the household are not recognized because they are not monetary.

In addition, women should have some sort of skill or training to support themselves in case their husbands become too ill to work, or who die and leave them to fend for themselves, sometimes with dependent children.

In the end, the First Lady gives no blanket advice that applies to everyone, but encourages all young couples to think over very carefully how they want to live their lives together and plan accordingly.

Chapter Five – Learning to Live Together by Gladys Hoagland Groves. Gladys was the wife of Ernest Groves, who wrote the first chapter in this book. And apparently, the whole family wrote on marriage and family issues – Ernest, his wife, and even their daughter, Catherine. There is not much info floating around on Gladys by herself; she tends to be constantly linked with her husband, which I suppose is fitting, given their background.

The newly-wedded couple is embarking on a great adventure. The road before them leads to happiness, but it is not easily won. However, one doesn’t need luck or rare gifts or miracles in order to have an opportunity at happiness – just common everyday virtues that can be applied to all successful human ventures.

Those first days of marriage might bring disappointment to the fore, as reality rarely measures up to imagination. You might find yourself thinking, This is not what I expected. However, accepting this discrepancy will help you to move forward – after all, the reality will likely turn out better than what you had been imagining in the first place!

Love needs to be nurtured; once it is attained, it must be helped to grow, or wastes away. Understanding and cooperation are a big help to this. One has to work hard for what she wants. Here are nine guideposts to help the new married couple on their road to success:

The first requirement is the building of a union that is just to both. Clashes of personality are inevitable, especially when you’re living together with a person for the long haul, so recognize that this is going to happen.

Compromise will lift these essentially petty decisions of precedence above the level of selfishness. What will be the best outcome for BOTH partners in this situation? For example, you might want to buy a car, but your husband thinks it is time to own a home. Both of you need to weigh the pros and cons of each and come to a decision . . . together. Don’t be selfish, or try to win over your partner because it’s what YOU want.

Respect for the other member of the marriage association is a must-have. No demand should be laid upon the mate that requires a drastic change of personality. Each partner must be proud of the other and continue to be so. Don’t be overly casual and relaxed towards each other all the time, for that way leads to laziness. Don’t nag, whine, cry, or grumble at your mate; take care of yourself. This using of your partner to relieve your own woes will wear out your mate’s spontaneity and fatigue them. [I’m not sure here if she’s saying to not pick fights with your spouse because you’re feeling like shit, which then yes, I agree; or is she saying not to let your spouse help you when you’re feeling less than your best, because no, that’s bullshit, you’re supposed to be able to lean on each other, that’s part of the deal, to support one another and lift each other up, etc].

Too great concentration is to be avoided. Even the greatest love stagnates if it is kept out of the main current of life. To care only for each other is selfishness for two, only one step removed from self-centered engrossment. This is why you need to have children. Friends and other interests outside the home are also good, but there are nothing like children to drive just enough of a wedge between your relationship to stop it being a paradise for two. Friends should be a mix of friends in common as well as those who are mainly the friends of you or your spouse. It’s important to have your own interests and not always be attached to each other 24/7.

The general level of emotion is what counts, not the spectacular scaling of peaks. Staking all on high moments is melodrama with no comic relief. Newly marrieds tend to go all in for the expressive outward gestures of love, and when this ebbs, the other might feel that they are no longer as loved. This is just the natural progression of things, and a step on the road to a more mature love where the emotions are felt without needing to be as demonstrative. You might also notice that some little things you found endearing about your partner annoy you; this is normal as well. The rose-colored glasses have slipped a little bit and now you can see more clearly.

There can be no holding on to the present nor seeking to bring back the past. Each moment is new and good in itself. Love is not static. Live in the now.

There can be no narrowing of marriage to mere sex adjustment. What is essential is life adjustment, of which sex is but a part. Marriage is more than sex.

There must be no cultivation of sensitiveness, no looking for hurt, but instead of a complete trust in each other. Don’t be hyper-sensitive, as it’s not helpful, and the sympathy will soon give way to anger, which is healthy, especially when it wakes this partner up and makes them behave like adults. If it turns into pity, this is unhealthy, because then neither partner is being respected.

Frankness in marriage is a good thing. With tact, of course. But who better to help a person improve themselves but their life partner?

Willingness to grow is the most necessary factor for success. Marriage is a life program of going on together that requires maturity; failure means that there is a holding on to childishness. If you find that your marriage is yielding diminishing returns, it means that one or both of you are unwilling to mature in your relationship together. If you accept responsibilities and grow together, your marriage will grow and develop in turn.

Marriage is serious, but more rewarding than being single. Humans are innately lonely, so a successful marriage is a great defense against that loneliness.

Chapter Six – Marriage Makes the Money Go by Elizabeth Bussing. I have no idea who this woman was; no notable information could be found about her. This one isn’t really out of line, as it discusses having a good budget, which is useful advice even in the modern era. I mainly wish for you to marvel at the prices of things in 1938 as I did!

Bussing assumes an income of $100 a month, which in today’s dollars, would be a little over $1800. In the city, you’d pay $35 for rent ($657.50) and a month’s worth of groceries would be about $25 ($469.64), presuming that you are careful about your purchases. Transportation to and from work for one person will be at least $2.50 ($46.96). With this budget, no more than $10 ($187.86) for clothing and putting $6 ($112.71) aside for insurance and future savings. So that leaves $20 ($375.71) left over for any other expenses. She admits that this is a bit difficult but many people are doing so.

She also advises that a home purchase should not be more than 2 years of salary, and I, no lie, laughed for a full five minutes. Granted, I am right in the thick of trying to purchase a home as I record this, and lemme tell you, that rule of thumb no longer applies.

Another thing that no longer applies regards doctors and hospitals. Bussing says to ask upfront what your family doctor’s fee will be, and to investigate the three-cents-a-day hospital plan in your community. This looks like an individual or group paying into a fund that could be used at a later time for hospital fees. Because having a baby in a hospital will cost you $100 or even $200! (By the way, the average cost in the United States for a hospital birth – vaginal delivery, not C-section – can range from $5,000 to $10,000 in 2021). Post-natal care for baby could either be paid per visit, or some doctors would enter a payment plan with the parents, where you could pay one upfront cost for so many visits by the doctor. What a world!

Chapter 7 – Children? Of Course! By Jessie Marshall, M.D. Once again, no idea who this person is, aside from the fact that they were a doctor.

Everyone these days talks about planning – of cities, of towns, of the nation. But planning for a family, ah, that is the most important planning there is. What are you planning to do about it?

Children allow us to live our own childhoods over and see the future with excitement, through young eyes and wonder. Children help to perpetuate our great works and give us great hope for the future of our race. Children are charming.

However, when do you have children and how many should you have? There are several things you need to consider.

First, are you ready – physically, psychologically, financially? Of these, economic stability is of utmost importance. Employment needs to be secure so that one has the means to support mother and baby; if you are in debt, this rather puts a damper on the other forms of readiness. You do not have to have a high income to support a child, as three can live as almost as cheaply as two, especially in the child’s first years. (Maybe in 1938, but certainly not these days). The main expense that should be saved for is hospital costs, pre and post-natal care, but this is a few hundred dollars at most. And once again, to show how inflated everything has become, Dr. Marshall says that “hospital schemes, in which you make a monthly or year payment, make it possible to get two weeks’ hospitalization for mother and baby, with semi-private room, use of delivery room, and nursing care, for about ten dollars.” TEN DOLLARS. Which, again, going back to the inflation calculator, would be a little less than two hundred dollars today. To put this into perspective for my non-US-based listeners, $200 at a hospital is usually one’s co-pay so that they’ll even SEE you, and this is with decent health insurance. And of course, you will be stuck with a much larger bill later on. UGH, I will stop now, but that shit gets me really fired up.

You can save up for future children out of your monthly earnings; the parents of the couple might be able to help, as well, not with a loan, but a willingness to cover, say, the delivery cost or the physician for the baby’s first year visits. Apparently, during this time period, some couples were given so-called “baby bonds” as wedding presents from family members, that could be used for the expenses incurred during pregnancy and the child’s first year.

What is the right age? Between twenty-three and twenty-eight seems to be the right time for a woman to have her first child, but up to thirty-five should also be fine, provided the putative mother is in good physical health. Over forty and over is fine for successive children, but the only reason to wait to have one’s first child later in life is if one cannot find a suitable mate before then.

Therefore, the best time for one to have children is when the couple is sure of themselves and each other. There is no need to have a child right after you are wed, and in fact, it is probably best to take a year or two to just be with each other and ensure that you are ready and sure of your love. There is no reason to wait once you are sure, and those who can continually put off children for one reason or another are low-desire and weak, and therefore, will not make good parents. Besides, don’t be selfish; children are the greatest pleasure one can have in this life. The more devoted you are to each other, the better and more vital your progeny will be. The doctor here quotes another doctor named Kuglemass who authored a book called Growing Superior Children.

Remember, you cannot plan the sex of your future child, but that is fine, for girls can be as interesting as boys, especially now that women’s sphere has been increased. Dr. Jessie says that her husband says that girls are actually MORE interesting because they can bear children, which boys cannot, and that gives the gals more value. Ookay then.

The likelihood of twins is genetic, and if you fear that the risk of twins will upend your baby budget, some insurance companies will allow you to take out insurance on this; of course, the policy must be taken out before twins are confirmed. Apparently, this is still a thing – it’s called Multiple Birth Insurance. The more you know. [NBC’s The More You Know theme]

You should have at least two children if the woman’s body can bear it. Not only is it a way to continue to express the couple’s mutual love for each other and their family, but an only child needs a playmate, otherwise it will grow up to be self-centered, or moody, or negative.

The same questions apply – can you afford it, and if so, when is the best time to have a second child to maximize the benefit to the family? As soon as possible would be the ultimate goal; however, the good doctor advises waiting at least two years between the birth of the first and second child, as it will still be close enough in age to be a companion to the first child, but also let some time elapse for the mother to recover her strength and vitality.

Further children are encouraged, but of course, the people who have more than two children are, as Dr. Huntington said earlier in this book, either shiftless and incompetent, or wealthy and well-established. Those intelligent souls who fall in the middle, economically, generally are not having more than three children, and Dr. Jessie agrees with Huntington that this is a great pity, as they are unable to contribute to the growth of the race with their good biological inheritance. Once again, they are sowing the seeds of eugenics here, and indeed, Dr. Jessie seems to be a proponent of the idea, as she states: “One aspect of the better America, proposed by the American Eugenic Society, will perhaps be the adoption of a sliding-wage scale, characterized by a rise in pay upon marriage and with the arrival of each successive child.” Now, that idea seems sound on its face, but as she goes a bit deeper into the subject, and some subsequent chapters do, too, I think it’s time for a brief SideQuest.

So, first, what is eugenics? Basically, it is selective breeding to encourage more desirable hereditary traits, which, during its history in the United States and indeed, the world, included race, mental fitness, risk of criminal behavior, and even economy. The first instances of the idea of eugenics go back to Plato; in The Republic, he wrote about the creation of a better society by letting the higher-classes breed and discouraging those of the lower classes to do so. This idea was echoed in 1883 by Sir Francis Galton, who was the first to coin the word “eugenics” in his book, Inquiries into Human Faculty and Its Development. Once again, the idea for a “better” society, this time among Britons, was to allow only the elite to bear children. Galton’s idea was not as popular in his homeland, but in the United States, it was taken up and spread through preeminent people like John Harvey Kellogg. Laws were enacted in certain states that forbid people with certain conditions to marry. Betterment Foundations were established, as well as Record Offices, which tracked families and their traits, which of course, led to their “evidence” that people of color, the poor, and the disabled were all “unfit.”

Now, ideas like this are heinous on their own, but of course, they usually lead to heinous actions and indeed, that is what happened. In California, patients in mental health facilities were sterilized, even as late as 1979. Thirty-three states allowed involuntary sterilization, and as you might expect, the majority were performed on people of color. The Supreme Court ruled in 1927 that forced sterilization of disabled persons did not violate the Constitution (Buck v. Bell, for you court geeks). Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes stated in his decision, “three generations of imbeciles are enough.” This was eventually overturned, but whilst it was on the books, tens of thousands of people were involuntarily sterilized and the ruling served to legitimize the idea of eugenics across the country.

And of course, in Europe, Hitler picked up this idea and ran with it to absolutely horrific consequences. He cited the American movement in his book, Mein Kampf, so in a way, the leading racist lights of the time here in the good ole US of A helped to foment the lead-up to the Holocaust. On the flipside, after seeing the atrocities post World War II, most of the eugenics movement in the US lost its momentum, but people were still being sterilized in institutions and on Native American lands.

This is an extremely brief overview of what the movement was, but if you would like to learn more about this dark period in American (and world) history, I encourage you to look it up.

[And now, back to the show].

Everyone can have children, when and as they please. Put yourself in the hands of good doctors. Remember that physical and mental well-being go hand in hand. If you are not happy, your body will not be a fertile ground to plant fruit. Do not try to conceive a child if you are under excessive stress or strain, as that child will have no chance to ever be strong and fit in life. Limiting births for the reasons of full health on the part of the parents is smart, and letting your family doctor guide you is even smarter!

Modern physicians can assist the mother-to-be with proper nutritional guidance during pregnancy, and ensuring that all other functions are sound for the fetus to gestate properly. This is what we would refer to as pre-natal care today.

If a conception is a surprise, well, the doctor can help here, as well. If the couple is fretful because they are unprepared, either mentally or financially, the doctor’s enthusiasm for new life and the vision of today’s modern family will help turn this into a happy accident. If the mother should pass in childbirth, the doctor is there to give advice on how to help the grieving father provide a happy home for his child.

And of course, if the couple is unable to conceive, the doctor can examine both parties to see what is happening. Yes, both, because while sterility was usually blamed solely on the wife, the husband can also have fertility issues! Some couples just drift along, year after year, never having children, and yet never seeing a doctor about it, when perhaps the situation might be remedied!

Of course, if all hope of having one’s own children fails, you can always adopt. Now, whether you should adopt an infant or an older child is up for speculation. While infants might seem to be the wisest choice as they can really be felt to be our own, there usually are not enough infants for the demand, and also, most of them are illegitimate and of unknown parentage. An older child, say three or four, is usually of legitimate parentage and you can also test their intelligence at this stage to make sure they are “normal” and not “feeble.”

Children adopted as infants should always be told that they have been adopted. It will be less shocking if the parents tell them themselves, and also, when they begin to ask questions about when children come from. To soften the blow, use the word “chosen” instead of “adopted.” And don’t continually remind them of this fact, lest they feel inferior. And don’t expect more gratitude from an adopted child than you would from a biological child, and never, ever say that you are thankful they aren’t really yours when you are angry!

Chapter 8 – Detour Around Reno, by Dr. Hornell Hart. Dr. Hart was a professor of ethics and sociology in his lifetime, and then took up an interest in parapsychology. Apparently his son died early and many posit that might have caused his interest in the afterlife, etc., to blossom. When you search Dr. Hart online, there is a very interesting article in the New York Times from 1925; he gave a talk at the American Sociological Association meeting and theorized that by the year 2000, humans would be living to 100 years old and perhaps even older. And not in a weak and sad existence, but in vigor. His explanation was that medical technology was advancing all the time (true) and that the gain of average lifespan years over the decades had been steadily increasing, so by doing the math, we will all be living to ripe old age. [in the year 2000 clip from Conan O’Brien]

So, yeah, that’s interesting, but he was also a eugenicist, and believed that “the unfit dilute and poison the race.” Blargh.

Meet David and Ruth; they’ve been married for four years. At first, it was blissful happiness, but now, it seems like they are on the opposite sides of everything: saving money versus spending it, amusements outside the house, how to raise the baby. And now Ruth ordered a new stove without talking to David about it, and has accidentally overdrawn the bank account. Divorce is not a word spoken aloud, but it appears that they are turning down that road . . .

This type of conflict in marriage is but one type, where over time, the antagonism builds up and then each of the pair becomes resentful of each other. But there are other ways that can lead to discord.

Meet Henry and Mary. From the beginning, their sex life was a failure, as Henry was self-conscious and Mary was given the impression by her parents that the less talked about, the better, and therefore she was repulsed by Henry’s needs; despite trying her best, she found herself forcing to respond to his attentions, and what’s worse, he knew that she was forcing herself to endure it. Despite this, they managed to have four children, and while they still enjoyed going out together, the disappointment and frustration in the bedroom cast a pall over their whole lives.

Or how about Helen and William? Helen did very well for herself as a single woman, with a good salary. William was brought up by a single mom, a product of divorce. His mother made William her whole world, and so, when Helen and William were married, his mother arranged for her son to still be as near to hear as possible – like living across the hall in the same apartment building. William did not seem to understand why Helen was annoyed with spending many nights of the week with his mother. They eventually did move a bit further away, but still spent a few times a week with his mom. In addition, William wanted his wife to give her up job, and that he should be the one to manage the household – with his mother’s advice and wisdom, of course. Helen wanted children, and did end up giving up her job for this reason; however, then they had no children, and Helen went back to work, but at a place where she was not doing as well as formerly. Helen feels like William’s mother has wrecked their marriage; William thinks that Helen is too hard on his mom and that Helen shouldn’t need to earn her own way. William’s mother thinks that Helen does not really appreciate her son.

Another case is Sam and Mabel. Sam was a partier and quite the jolly guy during his single days, and Mabel felt her conquest when she was able to get him as a husband over other girls. He really meant to settle down, but then they had kids fairly quickly, and twins, no less! Now they have three children and Mabel is mostly stuck at home; Sam would often come home to a frazzled wife with unbrushed hair and the same clothes she had on when he left, and a short fuse from staying up late with the children. Sam tends to sleep through the children’s cries. Mabel has become a bit lax with the cooking, and now she notices that pretty girls are catching Sam’s eye more often, even right in front of her. She has found lipstick on his handkerchief after nights out “with the boys,” and now a next door neighbor has been chatting Mabel up. She wonders whether she might get a little somethin’ somethin’ for herself; after all, Sam is doing it, isn’t he?

So, here are four typical cases of unhappy marriage: antagonism, poor sex life, a man with long apron strings, and an overworked frazzled mom wedded to a husband with a roving eye. Here’s an example of a different type of marriage; let’s look at Charles and Anna.

Charles and Anna have been wed twenty years. They have three children and have always considered their marriage a 50-50 partnership. Despite times of stress and struggle, they keep the lines of communication open. Of course, there have been fights – everyone does – but they have worked through their problems, and come out stronger on the other side.

This type of marriage is the most typical, despite the hyped-up stories that highlight the previous four examples of bad or difficult marriages. The purpose of this article is to provide practical steps for those couples who have friction, and how to encourage deeper happiness.

In any conflict, there are five ways to react:

1. Acquiesce ignobly. This means to just give in, roll over and accept it. “There nothing I can do about it, so whatever.”

2. Evade cravenly, or run away cowardly. Some divorces are the best solution, but many times, people are just trying to run away from their own selves. In this case, if they marry again, they will run into the same situation because they never solved the problem from the first marriage. Sometimes this running is mental instead of literal, a psychological barrier against your partner.

3. Attack vindictively. In this case, one partner has made the other a villain and put all the blame on that person. And now they’re going to “get even.”

4. Grapple courageously. Face the situation with frankness, look for the real causes, and choose the best way to get out of the situation. Now, some conditions are completely out of one’s control, such as economic issues, or heredity, or your spouse’s parents; however, you can control how you react to these situations.

5. Cooperate creatively. This is like grappling courageously, but not alone. You build on that by trying to understand the others who are involved in the situation. Teamwork is the watchword; find the best solution for everyone involved and then work towards that solution.

So, if you have fallen out with your partner, there are a few ways to cooperate creatively and come up with a solution.

1. Abandon resentment. Taking an antagonistic attitude stops you from finding a solution. Throw out your grudges, your jealousy, your contempt. These things cloud your vision and stop you from finding a good solution and that in turn intensifies the bad feelings. Don’t wait for your partner to take the first step; forgive and forget first, even if they haven’t done so.

2. Eliminate needless irritants. Anything that is hurting or distressing your spouse should be fixed or jettisoned, as appropriate. For example, stop criticizing your partner, even in private. Avoid situations which make them feel inferior, even if you think it is a tiny thing. Stop bringing up topics of conversation that annoy them, especially if it always leads to a quarrel. Any household equipment that needs fixing that has been put off – fix it! Don’t drag your partner to things which bore them. Be punctual, but don’t demand that your partner do likewise. Don’t read at the table unless your partner also does so and agrees that this is okay to do. Don’t visit your relatives too much. Don’t flirt with other people to encourage jealousy in your partner. Don’t repulse your spouse’s sexual advances in a way that will hurt them; if you cannot respond to their interest right now, make sure that you are kind and that this is not a reflection on THEM, just that you are postponing the activity for the present moment. Any other ways you are unnecessarily irritating or hurting your partner need to be found and broken.

3. Do new things together that bring the both of you joy, even if it is something simple or trivial. Little presents or tokens of affection are always a nice gesture, especially when they show that you have been paying attention. Do you know the little things that your spouse likes?

4. Have children, if you possibly can. Make sure it is a mutual agreement.

5. Understand your partner. Make this as important as if your life depended on it, because it actually does! What are their deepest aspirations? What really drives them? What has held them back?

6. Engage in frank discussion with your spouse about your problems, but do not drag on endlessly. Don’t rehash and repeat. This is a marriage, not a debate team.

7. Compromise. For example, one of you might want to go see a movie and the other does not. Now, this is a conflict, but you might discover, if you probe, that it’s not going to the movies itself that is the problem – it’s that particular movie. So maybe there is a different movie you both would like to see. Or perhaps tonight is not the right time, so you agree to stay in and go out tomorrow night instead. Or you go out for the evening and do something else you can both agree on. This sort of compromise can be applied to other, deeper questions as well.

8. Surrender nonessentials. The hill on which you wish to die should not be a minor issue. Don’t knuckle under on the important things, but some small things in life are not worth the agony.

9. Live and let live.

10. Put your family’s welfare first and don’t be selfish.

Remember to always seek joy and your love will be met with love.

Most of the tips in this chapter are sound advice, but the “eliminate needless irritants” bit seemed to go a bit overboard. While I don’t disagree in the main, some of the suggestions seemed a very easy way to keep a couple from being equal partners in the marriage. Don’t force your husband to take care of the children, because he finds their cries irritating, etc., etc. I’m also sure many a wife was forced to make dinner for the boss or to go to a work party with her husband, even though it was not something she wanted to do!

Chapter 9 – Sex Instruction in the Home by Frances Bruce Strain. I wasn’t able to find a bio online, but I know that she wrote books about sex education for children, one of which was called Being Born.

Many young men and women reading this book are probably aware that they have some gaps in their knowledge of sex, inherited from their parents’ generation of reticence, punishment, and fear. These young men and women don’t want their children to go through the same ordeal. At what age do you begin? How much do you tell them? Will giving them this knowledge lead them to experimenting with other children? And so forth.

Reproduction is basic science; knowledge of sex is essential and not just the biological portion. Your child’s emotional life is also important.

There is no set age to begin sex education; the time to begin is when children begin to ask questions, and usually they are the most curious beginning around ages four to six. As they get older and attend school, you will probably be asked fewer questions, but this does not mean that they are indifferent, necessarily. Interest will increase in adolescence, but of course, by that age, most young people will not want to ask their parents.

The answers to the questions that children ask should correspond to their age and understanding. Don’t overexplain, but don’t tell falsehoods, either. For example, if your little one asked where a baby comes from, you can say, “Babies grow inside their mothers,” and perhaps show on your body. This may lead the child to think that the baby grows inside the stomach, and if they ask or say that, you can further explain that it is called the uterus. Further embellishments depend on the individual child; if they stop asking questions for the time being, don’t bombard them with more detail.

If your children have not ever asked such questions, and you want to open the conversation yourself, there are a few ways you can do so: books, a current related topic introduced into family conversation, visits to zoos, or even the owning of pets.

In addition to sexual education, parents need to explain the changes in the body as children approach adolescence – menstruation, nocturnal emissions, and so forth – before they are likely to occur, so that children will be prepared, and not receive such information from their peers at school.

Don’t be concerned that children will talk to each other; many more parents are adopting the stance of preparing their children at home, so hopefully the other children have knowledge of this already. Even if they don’t, however, do not punish your child for excitedly telling another how reproduction works.

I might have shared this on a previous podcast, but my mom was very progressive with sex education when I was little. She had to be; when I was four, she was pregnant with my brother, and I asked a lot of questions. I was very precocious – I drove my mom crazy with questions about how Santa got into our house, too, and would he be using our bathroom? Because he would surely need to pee after all that milk! Anyway, when we went to my dad’s company picnic that year, some other little girl said some nonsense about my mother having a baby in her tummy, and I proudly corrected her that it was called a uterus and that all ladies have them, blah blah. I think she might even have said something about the stork, and I said no, babies come from sperm and eggs or whatever, haha. This little girl told her mom what I said, and she had words with my mother, who haughtily informed her that HER child was being told the right terms for things from the first instance.

So, yes, I absolutely agree with this, especially now that misinformation spreads even farther and faster than it ever did before.

And this information should come from YOU, the parent, not another person unless that person is specifically trained in sex-education matters. You are more than qualified, plus you have that personal bond with the child.

Does sex instruction lead to children experimenting with each other? No, it tends to be the opposite – those children NOT taught about sexual matters adequately will find out on their own, and sometimes that leads to this type of conduct. For those who have been taught, there is no mystery to uncover.

If children ARE doing such things that are not appropriate for their age, many punishments tend to just make the child become more secretive, not less. Parents need to examine the root cause of why the child was doing such an activity. Is it because you have not given them sex instruction? Then you need to do so now. If it is due to, say, a strict moral code at home, then you need to examine and change your own attitudes. If it is because the child is bored or doesn’t have many outlets, the onus is on you to provide some new recreations, or new opportunities to make friends, and so on.

Bottom line: don’t withhold this knowledge from your children. The wisest parents build a solid foundation for their children’s future happiness and that includes sexually.

Chapter 10 – Religion in the Home, by William Lyon Phelps. Phelps was an American scholar and critic. He taught contemporary literature at Yale for over 40 years, and he is credited with introducing Russian novelists to many American readers.

Students want to be successful in their chosen careers. The greatest and most important career is marriage, and it’s open to every one of them. Not every woman can be married, but every man can find some woman who will agree to be wed to him.

Marriage is the highest happiness one can know on earth. Even if a man is a failure in every other sense, if he is happily married, he is a winner. And if a man is successful in everything else except for his marriage, then he is a loser. Just like an athlete trains for competitions, so should young people train their bodies and minds for success as husbands and wives. Sex instruction is important, but so is character. Good character, good temperament, good disposition – these need instruction and cultivation, too.

Early marriages are better, even if the money to be had is little. Younger people take these sorts of difficulties as a lark, as an adventure. Also, their personalities haven’t fully formed yet, so they can accommodate themselves to each other better.

Married love grows by companionship and sharing suffering as well as pleasure. Sometimes the truest expressions of love are not the rapturous expressions but the consideration for one’s welfare – don’t forget your boots! However, men, never leave your house without kissing your wife goodbye. You should sleep in the same room for the first twenty years of marriage. Never go to sleep angry with each other.

But back to the main question – how to build character? Religion. Man is imperfect, and strives for constant improvement, and the best strengthening and improving force is religious faith. A religious home need not be gloomy and morbid; it can be full of mirth and laughter. Faith gives warmth and energy to one’s whole being.

Children should be brought up with religious faith, but do not do so unless you actually believe in this yourself. Teaching little ones to say prayers when you do not say them yourselves is like teaching a party trick for amusement. The child will grow to see all of these things as a burden of childhood and will shrug off this perceived yoke when they become adults.

Many opine that they no longer have the faith they did as a child; you can recover it. Give it your most serious consideration. And if you, the young married couple, share in this religion, this common interest can only help increase your happiness.

Chapter 11 – It Pays to be Happily Married, by Stanley G. Dickinson. Not much biographical information about him online, but in this article it looks like he was a business consultant.

The business world and marriage have vested interest in each other. Some businesses believe that a single man might be a better choice, as they are freer to travel and don’t have to worry about their hours impacting their family. Some might believe that the home life of their employees are none of their business. However, there are home life aspects that need to be considered in the business world.

For one thing, if you are considering a man for a promotion, you need to determine if he has a good and harmonious married life. A company can place their faith in a man who has a well-adjusted home life.

Sometimes executives do not choose correctly, and the men chosen cannot perform their job adequately. Why do they fail? Usually, it’s not because they didn’t know enough, or were lazy; many times it’s trouble at home, which causes emotional instability, which in turn causes a man to not be successful. On the flip side, those men who can’t progress or elevate themselves in business tend to cause discord at home.

All wives have an equal stake in their husbands’ progress. Of course, a larger income is part of it, but only part; mental growth, a fuller home life, respect in the community – all these must be considered as well. Despite most people knowing this is true, only a few have actually made their home life harmonious enough for success. Men want to better their situations, but don’t think their wives have any influence over this.

However, when a wife doesn’t keep up her duties to provide harmony or continue to develop herself, a husband will separate his business from his home life and spend more time at the office, gritting his teeth and forging ahead. This upsets his end of the home life balance, and causes physical and mental strain, so much so until he breaks under it.

Harmony at home does not mean that you bring business into the home. Taking your petty work issues to your wife is weaksauce; no employer is going to consider YOU for a promotion. If you never tell your wife anything about your job, though, thinking that she isn’t smart enough to help you make business decisions, she might begin to resent you, as she is conflating respect for her as an individual with respect for their opinion. Wow. That’s sexist, non?

Harmony at home and an efficient producer in the business world are essentially the same thing in different spheres. Just because this is not talked about much doesn’t mean it isn’t important. You might not even know this investigation into your home life is occurring, for it isn’t in good taste to make a blatant inquiry into how your wife acts. Confidential sources are used, and you might meet your boss with your wife somewhere, under a casual pretext; this is why!! So, wives, you need to make sure that you are doing your part for your man.

Ask yourself these ten questions:

1. Did my husband start for work this morning in a better frame of mind for having married me, or would he have been happier as a single man or married to someone else? Remember, this is strictly business; you might love your husband, but if that love isn’t shown constructively, then you are a failure.

2. Do I always treat my job just as seriously as if I were working in an office for a monthly salary? Don’t be that wife that lingers so long over frivolous pursuits in the afternoon that you cannot prepare a good meal for your husband to come home to.

3. Have I grown in poise and interests like the wives of my husband’s associates and superiors? You need to keep up; failure to grow makes you a liability.

4. Can I talk in the same terms as his associates and their wives? This reflects that you have paid attention to what your husband does, and that you can have a suitable conversation.

5. Do I dress and act like the wives of the business associates and superiors of my husband? Your husband needs to see that you can measure up to the other wives; you WILL be compared, so don’t be found wanting!

6. Do I entertain with reasonable frequency the people who are in a position to help my husband in business, or is our social life planned wholly for my own amusement? How long as it been since you have entertained one of those people in your home? Don’t let months slip by without helping your husband socially.

7. Do I limit our social engagements during the week to those which will not take essential energy from the job, or do I feel that my husband “owes” me constant amusement when he is not actually at the office? More responsibility means that you must take more care in allocating your husband’s time to social affairs; you can rest the next day, but he cannot.

8. Do I act as a balance wheel, cheering him intelligently when he is tired or discouraged, or do I rub him the wrong way on such occasions? If your husband doesn’t share his disappointments with you, then you have not shown yourself capable to share them.

9. Do I try to smooth things out after unpleasant discussions – as I would if a new dress or theatre party were at stake? Don’t make your husband miserable.

10. Do I carry my share of responsibility, or do I save up all the petty annoyances for our dinner-table conversation? If your husband is silent during dinner, examine the quality of your own conversation. Don’t bore him with your petty every day dealings or the gossip of the neighborhood.

HOLY FUCK THIS MAKES ME ANGRY. This is the most sexist drivel. This blowhard is assuming that all women at home were just faffing about at bridge or sleeping late every day, and how dare you not support your husband in business, you shrew? You can’t possibly have had a hard day, because you are a woman and your life isn’t taken up with difficult situations. Children and housework aren’t hard. Support him no matter what, but don’t expect him to respond in kind, for after all, sweet tits, this is YOUR job.

Here are some real examples of how wives have affected their husband’s jobs:

Blake was chosen to be a branch manager in Chicago, a job where he could earn twice what he was making before. He failed! And not because he didn’t know enough, or didn’t want the job, but he was losing his head, because his wife was LONELY. He wanted his old job back, but of course, that isn’t done, so another employer was persuaded to hire him away without Blake knowing, so that he could save face. However, Blake will never go far, because his wife is inconsiderate and puts her own feelings above everything else, and what’s worse, Blake can’t control his own feelings where his wife is concerned. [Yeah, how dare he care about his wife’s well-being??] Oh, don’t blame her, she just needs to live with her poor self-absorbed choices.

Smith is known as a whipped puppy. He is capable, willing to work, and could have an opportunity to have his salary increase 50% and more acquaintance with influential people, but he has not been offered this position because his wife’s influence reigns supreme. She is possessive of his time and orders him around like a child; this would not do in his new job, and it doubtful that she would change.

Now, you might be thinking that business is inhuman, but you don’t have all the facts, man. Business can’t tolerate too many mistakes because that effects productivity. And that effects everyone! Women are more concerned with sentiment rather than realism, and which do you think business deals in?

Take the Mortons. Mary has followed the ten questions earlier perfectly. They entertain one evening a week, reaching up rather than down. When her husband was transferred to another city, Mary knew that this would be a good experience to make new friends and expose the children to a new part of the country. They quickly established themselves in their new city and no one ever heard a peep about anyone being homesick. Morton’s salary is now three times what it was a decade ago, and credit goes to his wife for her support.

Parsons was a junior executive. A position opened that was suited for him but the president did not feel that he had shown himself worthy yet, especially in the social sphere. He and his wife set about widening their social circle with the right people and activities, and within six months, the president had no more objections and Parsons was eventually promoted.

With all of the incentives for success so generally known, it is a wonder why more people do not. Business wants you to succeed. Show us that you have the mental fortitude and that your wife and home life are good, and we will promote you. Remember, the happily married man will occupy a bigger position with us than the man who is unhappy at home.

Chapter 12 – The Case for Monogamy by Ernest R. and Gladys H. Groves. They each had chapters by themselves previously, but here, for the final chapter, they appear together. And this one is a bit annoying so I have really condensed it down.

Why do we consider monogamy as a matter of course? What is its significance to us? Will you abide by the till-death-do-you-part vow, or change partners at will?

Most men and women, upon entering the marriage contract, are monogamous. Over time, some will desert this idea without really thinking, whilst others will deliberate for a while before staying or going. What has happened to change these individuals?

There have been many answers to this question: when the responsibilities of married life become too much. The romantic spark no longer seems to be there. Or the couple gets too complacent and doesn’t show how they feel about each other.

Check any rampant infatuation for another person before it has the chance to develop. Monogamy does not necessarily mean monotony. Monogamous couples enlarge the life they share. Growing old with another is the best relationship there is.

[break]

As we’ve seen from old advice books, they are a product of their time. Some advice is indeed timeLESS, but other bits, such as always supporting your husband no matter what, smacks of sexism and disparity. Notice those ten questions were only directed to wives, and no follow-up questions to men about whether they’re putting undue burden on their wives. Each chapter had some slightly different advice to give, and some more progressive than others. We must consider the time period. The 1930s in the United States was the midst of the Great Depression. By 1938, when this book was published, we were starting to regain our footing, but war was brewing, so many of the progressive ideas that women espoused in the 1920s took a backseat in favor of the “traditional” homemaker and mother roles. At least, until we became embroiled in the war and sent men to the front, leaving women to assume the work that was traditionally reserved for the menfolk. And of course, after the war, many of them had to relinquish those roles AGAIN when the men came home and demanded their jobs back.

Well, that’s the show. Please like, subscribe, rate, all that good stuff. The Forgotten Library is available on most podcast aggregators. There’s a Twitter account, which I try to post on, and also a Facebook page. Transcripts and source materials are available on the website, and if you enjoy what I do and would like to show some appreciation, you can Buy Me a Coffee – think of it as a little tip jar that takes Paypal and Stripe. Links for all of this are in the show description.

Until next time, I’m Nikki Gee, your intrepid library haunter.

ithsonian National Postal Museum. https://postalmuseum.si.edu/exhibition/america%E2%80%99s-mailing-industry-industry-segments-magazine-publishers/good-housekeeping

Aughinbaugh, A., Robles, O., and Sun, H. (2013). Marriage and divorce: patterns by gender, race, and educational attainment. Monthly Labor Review, U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. https://doi.org/10.21916/mlr.2013.32

Bigelow, W., ed. (1938). The Good Housekeeping Marriage Book. http://www.gutenberg.org/files/20830/20830-h/20830-h.htm

Dr. Ernest Groves, Sociologist, Dead. The New York Times (August 30, 1946). https://timesmachine.nytimes.com/timesmachine/1946/08/30/95796727.html?pageNumber=15

Fetters, K., and Srinivasan, H. (March 18, 2021). What to Expect: Hospital Birth Costs. Parents. https://www.parents.com/pregnancy/considering-baby/financing-family/what-to-expect-hospital-birth-costs/

Finkel, E. (2019). The Education Divide in Marriage. The Atlantic. https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2019/01/education-divide-marriage/579688/

James L. McConaughy and James C. Shannon records, RG005_030. Connecticut State Library. https://cslarchives.ctstatelibrary.org/repositories/2/resources/187

Life’s Mean in 2000 Set at 100 Years. The New York Times. (December 31, 1925). https://timesmachine.nytimes.com/timesmachine/1925/12/31/104200116.html?pageNumber=6