Episode 18 - Fascinating Womanhood

Welcome back to the Forgotten Library; I’m Nikki Gee, and today, we are going to take a look at a book that pretty much illustrates why we NEED feminism. And while we recently covered a marriage advice book on this show, this one is a little different, as the movement it engendered still endures in certain circles today.

Fascinating Womanhood: a Guide to a Happy Marriage, written by Helen Andelin, was published in 1963, the same year as The Feminine Mystique by Betty Friedan, and its polar opposite. While both recognized that women were unhappy in their marriages, Friedan advocated for women to find meaningful work outside of their home and not viewing housework as a career; Andelin, meanwhile, preached total submission and subscribed to the notion of Biblical patriarchy – which is to say, the man is always the head of the household, and this is ordained by the Christian god.

Helen Andelin was born in 1920, and grew up in a Latter-Day Saint (or Mormon) household. She married within the church and remained a member the rest of her life. [I mention this not to disparage her religion, merely to provide historical background, and also to explain some of her word choices later]. She wrote Fascinating Womanhood and first published it via a firm called Pacific Press, which she and her husband started - they sold hundreds of thousands of copies this way, and it was eventually published by Random House; it now has sold over 2 million copies.

I had never heard of this book before my first encounter with it at a Friends of the Library Book Sale room a few years ago. It was in the discount basket for fifty cents, and I was drawn by the pink cover; as soon as I read the back blurb, I was digging into my wallet for two shiny quarters to drop into the collection slot. Before this podcast, I had a blog where I would do similar takedowns I do now in audio format, and I thought this would be good fodder for it. I never got around to it on the blog, but I found the book again on my shelves recently and felt the time was ripe to spork it.

Enough preamble – let’s make Nikki angry! And trust me, there’s a lot, but I’m going to save it all for the end, unless I really CAN’T contain myself. Otherwise this will be a Super Long Play episode (just dated myself again, haha).

The edition I have is the 8th printing (1975 or thereabouts) from Bantam Books (but I also worked with a digital copy I borrowed from the Internet Archive that was from 1981; it does not appear to have changed in that time). It is pink, of course, and bills itself as “a book of inspirational feminine secrets that can save your marriage and enrich your life.” On the copyright page, there is a “word of explanation by the author,” where she admits to cribbing her teachings from a set of pamphlets called “Secrets of Fascinating Womanhood” that were published in the 1920s and are out of print, how convenient for her.

Introduction – this generation of women . . . they are disillusioned, disappointed, unhappy – or perhaps, they are happy, but not as happy as they should be; even worse, they might think they are happy and they are very much not. But what is happiness for a woman? A nice home, kids, successful husband, enough money to avoid financial woes? While these things are important, the MOST important need is for a woman to be loved and cherished by her husband. Without this, she will always have something missing from her life, and be floundering in a sea of darkness.

You might cry, is there no light for these women to be guided out of their darkness and know true happiness? There IS, my dear, and it is based on law, just as all life is. If you obey the laws in this book, you will be honored, loved, and appreciated. The three essentials to a happy marriage:

1. Love, of course. But you have to arouse this love in your husband, and if a man does not love his wife with his entire heart and soul, it is the woman’s fault. This book will teach you how to do this, and your husband does not need to know a thing about it.

2. Human dignity. How to handle difficult situations, such as hurt, humiliation, insults, or unfair treatment, without damage to your spirit.

3. Your desires. How to have things that are dear to your heart, without causing marital discord. This book will teach you how to make a man want to do things for you.

As the woman, you hold the keys to your own happiness. Become The Ideal Woman that a man wants, and receive rich rewards in your marriage.

What This Book Can Do for You. This is mostly a list of things you might expect from that introduction, such as understanding the feminine role and respecting your husband’s role, etc. But then there are also things like “How to be attractive, even adorable, when you are angry.” Wait, what? Also, there are many success stories in this book, received by the author via letter, or women who spoke to Andelin personally. I’ll say upfront, these are at the end of the chapters and sound like freakin’ informercials – we’ll get there.

Celestial Love. She talks about the Taj Mahal and how it was built for Shah Jahan’s favorite wife, Mumtaz, and she couldn’t find a word that represented that kind of love, so she will call it Celestial Love. That doesn’t seem like too much of a coincidence when you consider Andelin’s Mormon background; the Celestial Kingdom, the way I understand it, is the highest degree of glory a member of the church can obtain when they are resurrected at the final judgement. In addition, celestial marriage is a Mormon doctrine, wherein they believe that their marriage is valid in eternity and after death, the husband and wife (or wives, if he was married more than once) will live as a family together in the Celestial Kingdom. This doctrine only applies to those sealing ceremonies that have been performed at a Mormon temple, not civil marriages. If I have gotten any of this wrong, I sincerely apologize and do not mean any offense.

So, Andelin wasn’t really very spontaneous, eh? She lifted her advice from out-of-print books, coined her new term for a wholesome marriage from her religious faith . . . what else didja steal?

Anyway, Celestial Love – more than words of love, remembering your birthday, taking you out to dinner. It’s almost like pain, it’s enchanting and well, fascinating. Your husband will want to protect and shelter you, even worship you. She provides a few examples: John Alden and Priscilla Mullens (Pilgrims who came to America on the Mayflower; he served the colony in several governmental posts); Victor Hugo (the author) and the woman he loved, Adele Foucher; President Woodrow Wilson and his wife, Ellen, to whom he wrote tender letters; and once again, Shah Jahan and Mumtaz.

It is not selfish to want to be loved this way. It provides many benefits – joy to the man, happiness to the woman, success to the household. Both sides need to love each other dearly, but you may ask yourself, if I’m learning how to arouse his love for me, then how is my love for HIM to deepen? Certainly it must be that he should be a better man, right? NO. When you apply these teachings in this book, you will gain a greater understanding and appreciation for your husband, and therefore, will learn to love him more fully. By becoming a better woman, the man will have more incentive to be a better man. So that’s a contradiction – don’t influence him to be a better man, but influence him to be a better man (but on the downlow).

What can you do to inspire this Celestial Love? Let’s look at the kind of woman a man wants.

“The Ideal Woman” from a Man’s point of View. Men’s views of women are different from our own. What we find to admire in our fellow women is rarely attractive to a man; while women appreciate talent, poise, and intellect, men prefer sweetness and tenderness, as well as the ability for women to understand them. Women admire more artistic beauty, while men prefer a sparkle to the eye, the smile, radiance, and the “feminine manner,” by which I’m going to assume she means T&A.

So the ideal woman is really two different sides in one body, an angelic, or spiritual side, and a human side. The Angelic side is basic good character, understanding men and their feelings and sensitive nature, domestic skills and knowledge of one’s feminine role in the home. The Human side is physical appearance, feminine charms, good health, and so forth. Each side arouses different feelings in a man – the Angelic gives a man peaceful and happy feelings, while the Human side makes the man want to be tender towards her and protect her from harm.

For examples to illustrate her point, she refers to examples from classic literature, which makes a bunch of sense, right? She talks at length about Agnes and Dora in Dickens’ David Copperfield, Deruchette from Toilers of the Sea by Victor Hugo, and Amelia from Thackeray’s Vanity Fair, and analyzes each woman’s angelic and human qualities. She also, once again, brings up Mumtaz. All of this is to build up the full model of the Ideal Woman, and before she gives the entire diagram, she addresses the skeptics in the audience and says that thousands of women have read this book and taken the related courses, and it WORKS. And if you still don’t believe, well, then give it a try in your own life and see what benefits YOU can reap for yourself!

The full picture of Angela Human, as she refers to the full woman, has four major angelic and human qualities. Angelic qualities are that she understands men, has deep inner happiness, has a worthy character, and is a domestic goddess; Human qualities are femininity, radiating happiness, fresh, radiant health, and childlikeness. When these powers combine, you become Cherished and can achieve Celestial Love.

Remember, this is also a class, so she provides assignments at the end of most chapters. In this one, she entreats the reader to write down the angelic and human qualities you have, and the ones that you lack. Then she wants you to put them on a chart of Angela Human, leaving room for the ones you will no doubt acquire after following the teachings in this book.

The rest of the book is separated into two parts, where the angelic and human qualities are deconstructed one by one in their own chapters. First, the Angelic – for no man will completely love a woman who isn’t somewhat angelic. Understanding men is one of the tenets, so remember, men are different from women. They do not think like you do, or solve problems like you do, or have the same needs or values that you do. So to understand men, first we need to look at the masculine needs, characteristics, and peculiarities. The six characteristics of men: the need to be accepted at face value, need to be admired, sensitive pride, need for sympathetic understanding, need to be number one in importance to his wife, and his need to be the guide, protector and provider for his wife and children.

Accept a Man at Face Value. She relates an anecdote involving Norman Vince Peale, author of The Power of Positive Thinking, and a question he received during a lecture from a woman who wanted to know what to do with her husband, who neglects the children, is a spendthrift and a drinker, etc. And Peale said that you must always accept a man at face value and never try to change him. This is the foundation of Fascinating Womanhood.

Acceptance means who he is right now – his actions, his hopes and his dreams, for better or for worse; not merely tolerating or putting up with his quirks and behavior, but happily appreciating him for his virtues and his faults. Women try to change men often, for reasons such as: personal habits, how they spend their free time, neglecting their home duties like repairs, social behavior, not having ambition (or having too much), are not masculine enough, don’t manage money well, neglecting the children, or not going to church.

Women try to change men for her own good, or for his own good. Women are well-meaning and think that it is their duty to help their husband get the best out of life. Perhaps if her husband has no idea that his own faults are causing him issues, and you can wake him up, that is one thing, but once he realizes the mistakes he’s making, you, the little woman, need to back the fuck off. Pushing men to change creates marriage problems, can destroy your love, can cause a man to rebel, and let’s not forget the fact that it doesn’t work.

You might have the best of intentions, but all you’re doing is causing tension in the household. You’re telling your man that you are not satisfied with him as he is. This will cause him to resent you, because you have broken his pride. Most men know their weaknesses, but you aren’t supposed to point them out to him! Constantly pushing and nagging your husband can destroy your love, like Count Tolstoy and his wife, who had a great love story, until the Count got some religion and decided to live a simple life off the land; his wife could not deal with this, as she was used to luxury and tried to get him to go back to the lush life. By the time of his death, he barred her from coming to his sickbed because she had curdled the love he had had for her with her nagging and bullshit. If your man wants to be the next Grizzly Adams, LET HIM. If he wants to gamble away the family finances, smile and put away your dreams of a new refrigerator. Pushing a man might cause him to rebel like a teenage boy, so trust us, it doesn’t work.

If you accept a man at face value, there is always the hope that he will improve on his own. You can help by giving him his freedom – let him do what he wants to do and that will encourage him to be his better self. Look to his better side, and express appreciation for it. And of course, follow all the tenets and advice in this book; it’s turned the most obnoxious lunkhead husbands into shining princes.

If you are trying to change your man, it means that you have a fault within yourself – that of self-righteousness. You are NOT better than your husband. You are not in a position to judge anyone. Look to your own failings and give him the freedom to look to his.

There are a few exceptions. When a man is not aware of his own mistakes (but how can you tell?) you can try to change him, BUT ensure that you tell him that you do accept him and make sure you are very feminine when you bring it up – don’t appear to know more about his business than he does, or be motherly, or try to talk “man to man.” When he mistreats you, you are worthy of respect and do not deserve this; as for how to handle it, that’s in the Charming Arts and will be discussed in a later chapter. When he does something wrong – dishonesty, sinning, a lack of character – but first show reluctance to believe it. You can be disappointed in his temporary lapse, but be unshaken in your faith in his better side.

She notes some “special problems” such as the alcoholic husband. Now, wives might be despairing over this quite serious problem, but realize that it is the most difficult weakness to overcome; by this point in history, many were starting to recognize alcoholism as a disease, but she pins it down as a bad habit which a man of weaker will can easily become enslaved by. In order for you to gain some sympathy and understanding for his problem, she suggests fasting for three days, imbibing nothing but water, or giving up some of your other indulgent habits, like coffee or sweets. Yeah, because that is totally the same thing . . . Then look to your reaction to his problem, for nagging and insulting is also a weakness. So how can you condemn your husband for his failures when you have your own? This really doesn’t answer the problem, though, woman. Notice she doesn’t say anything about getting him help.

If a man is cruel to his children, to the point that it is dangerous for them to be in the home, you have a moral and sacred obligation to take them away until the danger is past. Don’t judge him, but protect your children. Naw, fuck you, I will judge a person who is cruel to his own children, thanks. That is an exception. Your “kind but firm spirit” may be what he needs to bring him around. What. That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.

And what of a man who is involved with another woman? Well, first – what did YOU do to drive him away? Obviously, he wouldn’t just go on his own, so examine the part you played in this; after you have read this book, you will see what flaws you have that sent your husband into the arms of another. Sometimes correcting these errors of YOUR ways are all you need to do to bring the penis back home. However, if you have now become the perfect wife and he is still schtupping others, then you need to firmly tell him that he has to come back, or you are leaving, and be prepared to keep your word. The second half is the only part I agree with – putting blame on the woman for the man’s wandering dick is bullshit. Once again, however, don’t condemn or judge him for his behavior. You actually have a moral obligation to try to win him back, so not only can you save your marriage, but his soul!

She also addresses a man who is not financially supporting the family. A man who does not provide these things for his wife and children might go to work, so that her children do not suffer privation. However, your going to work will weaken his incentive and make the problem worse. This responsibility is the man’s and he needs to be the one to do it. She will come back to this in a later chapter.

Accepting your husband at face value is NOT an easy task, she realizes; however, it’s the most fundamental principle taught in this book, so your success in future skills is predicated on mastering this first. Think of the rewards and learn about some anecdotal success stories:

“I thought marriage was a 50/50 partnership, but after seven years of marriage, my husband was an asshole. Then I remembered that the Bible says that man is the leader in the home, but even after recognizing that fact, my husband was STILL an asshole. Then I took the Fascinating Womanhood course, and after six weeks of putting the lessons into practice, my husband began to pay attention to me again and told me that he loved me for the first time in years! Thanks, Fascinating Womanhood!”

“I thought our marriage was good, but after 21 years together, and seven children, we didn’t seem to have anything in common anymore, and he was actually planning to leave me. In desperation, my friend suggested Fascinating Womanhood and I began to work fast, because he was hundreds of miles away looking for work. When he came home I told him that I accepted him and wanted a chance to prove to him, and he asked if I meant it, and when I said yes, he confirmed he’d always loved me and that his boss offered a raise if he would stay! I am his little angel again, like I used to be; thanks, Fascinating Womanhood!”

“I was all set to get a divorce from my husband. He drank too much, didn’t have any interest in me or the children anymore, and would spend his whole paycheck on carousing. He promised to change, but then I learned my first lesson about acceptance. I quite possibly could have driven him to drink! I went home right away and said that I accepted him how he was and I had made mistakes, too! He could spend all the money he wanted and I wouldn’t care! But he hasn’t done it since! Thanks, Fascinating Womanhood!”

“My hubby is great, except that he likes to smoke. I hate smoke with a passion, so I used to make him go in the basement when he smoked so I wouldn’t have to be around it. After this lesson on acceptance, I realized how simply awful I was being, so when he came home that night, I told him that I accepted him as he is. Now, if he wants to blow smoke rings right into my face, I just smile like an angel and ask for more. Thanks, Fascinating Womanhood!”

“My husband loves to go carousing with the boys every night and stay out late; usually I get aggravated because I’ve got dinner ready and everything and he just breezes out the door without even giving it a second glance. From this lesson, I tried a different approach; the next time he headed out without taking even a nibble from his plate, I indulged him in his escaping the house and told him to have a good time. Wouldn’t you know it, he came back in less than an hour, and with a box of candy for me. Thanks, Fascinating Womanhood!”

So, remember, ladies: don’t be a self-righteous twit; accept ALL his faults, even the heinous ones; don’t try to change him, and remember, even trying to talk like an adult IS trying to change him; express your full acceptance of him in words.

Assignments: express your acceptance of him. Make a list of all his virtues. Make or buy a “Love Booklet” to record all the loving things your husband says or does as a result of applying the principles of this book; start with his reaction to the expression assignment!

After acceptance comes Admiration – women want to be loved, but men want to be admired. Admiration must be bestowed on him by those who respect and love him, and most especially from the woman he loves. This admiration seeking begins in childhood, and continues throughout his life. Many boys’ parents fail to admire them, and they float into adolescence without praise – which, of course, does not stop them from seeking it. But now they also lack confidence. If he does not find a loved one, especially a wife, to admire him, he will become bitter and hardened as he ages.

What does a man want you to admire most of all? His manly qualities, his masculinity. His physical attributes, such as his build or strong jaw, his facial hair, his strength and endurance. His mental attributes, such as his skills, his abilities, his dependability and aggressiveness toward objectives. His spiritual attributes, such as his sense of honor and duty, his courage, his nobility.

Why is a woman’s admiration of his masculinity so important to him? Because it makes him feel manly. So he didn’t before? Then how can be embody manliness, according to this argument? (I’m obviously not advocating for this myself). Feeling manly makes your man happiest, so this admiration of his masculinity is one of the keys to winning his love and devotion.

How do you discover things to admire about him? Think about him, instead of thinking about your own affairs, such as your children, or the household, or your own problems and plans. Spare more thoughts on your man and you will soon find things to admire. Observe him; every man has either brains, brawn, or skill, so watch what he does. Listen to him talk, especially when he talks about subjects in which he is interested, or about himself or his life when he is not at home. Encourage him to speak on these topics, but don’t pry or ask TOO many questions, just enough to set him up and then watch him roll. Be interested in whatever he says.

How you are listening is also important; don’t just listen to the words, but to the man saying them. Watch his absorption in the subject, how devoted he is to his opinions, how smart he is. Don’t become so wound up in his subject that you form strong opinions, for that way leads to arguments. Even if what he is saying bores you, don’t show it. Look to his character instead. Remember, he is monologuing for you to admire him, for his words as well as himself, and he will be disappointed if he realizes you are only listening to his words. You don’t have to be particularly smart or clever to follow his clever discourse; the man seldom notices that his conversation is over your head, and even if he does, he just wants your enraptured face staring adoringly at him.

Alice and Jim are a perfect example. Jim doesn’t get much admiration outside the home, despite being a successful businessman and highly intellectual. Alice is the perfect listener; as soon as they have a few minutes together she steers conversation to his work, asking a few well-placed questions to wind him up, and then she just listens – only casually to the words he says, but finds so much to observe and admire. He’s just an average looking man, with ordinary ideas, but she sees his loyalty, his courage, his idealism. It doesn’t matter whether or not she agrees with his perceptions and statements.

There are rare cases where you might not be able to find many qualities to admire; he may have deteriorated so much that you might be at a loss to find anything! Have faith in his better side; these qualities exist in the souls of all men, so your faith inspires him to live up to his ability. If this doesn’t work, think about the past – what first attracted you to him? What was your early marriage like? Surely you can find some masculine qualities there. The author instructed one of her students to do this, and she remembered how steadfast he had been during the Depression, with so much persistence that he wore the leather from his shoes in walking so far. Their marriage had deteriorated and the man had, as well, but when she reminded him of this time, it gave him a new attitude and a second chance.

Now that you have found qualities to admire, how do you express them? Above all else, be sincere; superficial flattery has no home here. Be specific; don’t speak in generalities, because he’s going to ask a follow-up question or two, and you need to have answers. And of course, admiration is nothing without acceptance. You can’t admire some things and be critical of others; she equates it to serving moldy pie with whipped cream on top to cover it.

Your reward is love. One would hope you already HAD love, but . . . just think about these testimonials!

“Four years ago, our marriage was failing. I read and reread the first few chapters and wondered how I could be so guilty of so much wrong in my attitude. I decided to start my own love campaign. One night he was three hours getting home, but I didn’t ask any questions or whine or complain. I told him I knew he had a hard day and that I would keep dinner warm until he was ready for it. After dinner I sat at his feet and told him how much I appreciated him and that I respected him for saying no to an outfit I had pleaded for. He held me for a long time and we cried together. The next day he brought in a huge box and inside was an outfit for me AND one for each of the children, from shoes to hats. It’s been four years and he still surprises me with little gifts from time to time, because it makes him happy to make me happy. Thanks, Fascinating Womanhood!”

Remember: Accept him at face value. Think about and observe his manliness. Listen to him talk, and admire his manliness in words. Be sincere AND specific.

Assignment: write down 10 things you admire, at least half of which should be masculine things. Then ask your husband if he would like to participate in a special project, where you each write down 10 things you admire or appreciate about each other. Then share your lists with whys. Observe his reaction and note down anything loving he says or does in your Love Booklet! During the coming week, observe him, and express admiration at that moment. And practice listening to him talk.

A man is proud of his masculinity, but that pride is very sensitive; if his pride is belittled or ridiculed, well, that’s one of the worst experiences he can have! Many of the things you have said or done (or haven’t done) can wound him – not deliberately, to be sure, but even a mistake made in innocence can be detrimental. What do we mean by belittling, ridicule, or indifference? Here are some real-life examples!

Belittling A woman was engaged to a man but backed out several times before actual wedding could take place, and eventually he broke it off completely, leaving the woman befuddled; years later, she realized that she had lost him because she had made fun of many of his thoughts and actions. She was only joking, but the constant ribbing eroded his pride and finally he hit his limit.

Ridicule A man presented a business investment to his wife, which would require considerable upfront costs; his wife, after hearing about this, said “Well if you want to lose all your money, go ahead,” then was puzzled why he exploded at her. You certainly don’t have to be dishonest and support an idea you do not agree with, but you have to do it the right way to not injure masculine pride; presenting your viewpoint in a “feminine” way is explained later.

Belittling Pouring cold water on your man’s ideas with sentences like “Let’s be practical” or “Why don’t we consider the pros and cons?”

Belittling A woman asked her husband to include their son in a Sunday School lesson; the man got indignant and when pressed, the woman responded that he could teach better. He got mad because you humiliated him in front of his children, presenting the idea that he would have to rely upon his son to teach a better lesson.

Indifference: A woman was told some complimentary news by her husband while she was in the middle of cooking dinner. She made a very brief response, then resumed dinner preparations. Ladies, the way to a man’s heart is not through his stomach; it’s through your interest and appreciation for him as a man.

Belittling A man despondent over his business was NOT cheered up by his wife’s ministrations because she said that even if he failed in his business, she would still be content. Don’t EVER project your man as a failure because that is a permanent state of mind for a man; if you must paint failure, stress that it is only temporary.

Indifference A drama teacher, who seldom asked his wife for help, now put her in charge of making costumes for his new production. She worked long hours and produced beautiful work; but instead of being proud of her, her husband became increasingly harsh. One evening he blurted that she wasn’t interested in him, just the costumes. She put all of her focus on the costumes, when here she had a golden opportunity to observe her husband’s talents and fully appreciate them in a way she never could from an audience perspective. However, she felt that he only needed her help with the costumes and threw all of her work into that.

Men wound each other’s pride, too, did you know? So if you continue this behavior at home, he has absolutely NO respite, no place to heal his wounds.

In addition to humiliation, wounding a man’s pride results in reserve, a numbing effect, and even dishonesty. Reserve is a wall the man builds around himself to shield himself from further humiliation; the only way it can be fully broken down is through full sympathy and acceptance. If that wall is very solidly built, this can be a real problem to break through. The man may appear distant and climb inside his metaphorical shell. This should not be the way of things in an ideal marriage; a man should be able to express himself freely without humiliation.

When a man is behind that wall, insisting he talk is not the way to pull him out. Instead, be loving and reassuring; remember acceptance and admiration! Don’t be critical of others because then he will be afraid to expose himself to your potential ridicule or contempt. Appreciate the good in others for that will assure him that you think the same of him, too. Never spill anyone’s secrets, for again, he will take it that you will share his, as well. And remember, even if you break down that wall of reserve, the bricks are still lurking in the background, ready to rebuild at any time.

In addition to a wall of reserve, the man may become numb to pain; of course, with this usually comes a numbness of other senses, such as pleasure. This may even diminish his sexual feelings and lead to temporary impotence.

In certain circumstances, a man might resort to dishonesty to protect his pride. He may hide things from his wife, or be tempted to outright lie. If you catch your husband in this manner, try to understand that it is a desperate attempt to protect his pride; lies are not justifiable, but you cannot condemn him.

Your responsibility is twofold – don’t injure his pride yourself, and heal the wounds that others have inflicted. If you can be his refuge in times of trouble, he will turn to you in full confidence for a restoration of his feelings of manliness. However, if you fail him, you help to destroy him.

You must always be careful how you speak; you can’t just say anything you please to him, or vent the fullness of your feelings as you would to a friend, because some of your true feelings may wound you man’s pride. Now, this doesn’t mean a man cannot be a friend to women, but it’s not the same as another woman would be, because of how different men and women are.

Here is an example of how injured pride can seriously wound a man. Some of these I have summarized and occasionally exaggerated in a facetious manner, but I have to include this whole thing because it’s just . . . I have no words:

I was feeling very depressed and discouraged with life. There seemed no purpose or reward, and I seemed to myself a very unimportant “thing.” I would try to pull myself out of this by saying, you are the mother of two children, so therefore you do have at least an obligation to raise them to be good citizens. The things I had always enjoyed, held no joy anymore. I would sit and knit or sew and strive for that ounce of pleasure I was sure it would bring. But nothing – I was empty.

I can look back now and see where my trouble started, but at the time I was lost. My husband and I had been married ten years before we had any children. Our marriage was average; really no troubles or problems were insurmountable. I worked most of those years and was content. Then two children later and in the midst of building our dream house, I started becoming ill. I experienced a dreadful “anxious” feeling that I was to be tortured with for eighteen months. It was an endless round of doctors whom I tried to convince that “something was wrong with me.” They could find nothing.

Finally in desperation, convinced that my sanity was leaving, I went for psychiatric treatment for three months. I learned that I was emotionally mixed up. In the course of the sessions the doctor managed to convince me that I was married to an immature, selfish tyrant (which is not the case at all). He convinced me that I was right and my husband wrong. Well, I thought I had problems before, but now I set about to change my husband. I managed to do it, all right. I changed him from a loving, tender and very understanding man to a violent, uncommunicative, withdrawn tyrant who did things so out of his character that even he could not account for them. Bit by bit, nag by nag, accusation by accusation, I built the biggest and most insurmountable wall of reserve in my marriage anyone ever saw. It made the Great Wall of China look like a child’s toy.

Once the wall was up, I tried to climb the wall by tearing down my husband, instead of the wall. In return I received threats of desertion, violent outbursts, saw a happy man retreat into such deep depressions that I feared at times he might take his own life. Of course, I was all right. I even told him it was a phase he was going through and I wished he would hurry up. I used to ask him why he didn’t appreciate me. I was everything a wife should be. Ha! Oh, yes, I kept the house clean, the children clean, and I couldn’t help it if I was moody and depressed and didn’t ever feel good. Anyone who tried as hard at marriage as I did and sacrificed so much just trying to win my husband’s approval had a right to feel like me.

One day when I was reciting my usual tale of woe and misery to a friend, she gave me Fascinating Womanhood and said, “Please read this and pay careful attention to Inner Happiness and Worthy Character.” I read it and it seemed too deep for me. I thought I will never be able to be like that. I will try, but I just don’t think I can. And I can say here and now that I never would have been able to without the help of my Fascinating Womanhood teacher. She was a magnificent inspiration. I began to live Fascinating Womanhood, and the walls of reserve soon came down. Fascinating Womanhood has saved my marriage and made my husband happy once again. I am now enjoying the flowers and trying very hard to remember Fascinating Womanhood every day.

Okay, so I know I would save most of my comments until the end, but . . . this testimonial here is such garbage. This is like one of those Am I the Asshole? Threads on Reddit that only supplies a portion of the story. First of all, it seems like she had some major depression and/or anxiety going on, and obviously at this point in history many doctors tended to hand-wave women’s feelings away – for after all, on the surface this woman has everything: a man to take care of her, a new house, and children. Reading between the lines and taking a big leap in assumptions here, the waiting a decade to have kids seems to be a telling point as to why “issues” started, but . . . is it because she wanted to put her career first and he began to resent that? Did she want kids but also not want to give up her career, and hence harbored some resentment toward her husband for that? More information is needed to pinpoint whether the problem was her or him. Also, the therapist “convinced” her that her husband was a tyrant – and she claims this isn’t true, but we really have no idea how he was. Maybe he was pissed off that she was going through some emotional and psychological stuff and just wanted his damned dinner, damn it. Why can’t you keep the house clean, bitch? You’re home all day, and you don’t have a big important job like me – what do you have to be anxious about? I’m the one that needs to keep the Turner account. Etc. So I really resent Andelin for putting these ridiculous testimonials in here because they are so very skewed towards the purchase of her product – not just the book, but the related courses that many of the women took in tandem. Anyway, this was a brief Sidequest – we’ll return to this later.

To recap, when a man’s pride is wounded, he suffers the pains of humiliation, potentially builds up a wall of reserve, feels numb to all feelings, and can even resort to dishonesty. To break down that wall, accept him at face value; admire his masculine qualities; don’t belittle him or be indifferent towards him; don’t be critical of others; appreciate the good in everyone; and hold everyone’s secrets sacred.

The fourth characteristic is sympathetic understanding. A man needs sympathetic understanding for his responsibility to provide for his family, and his inborn desire for status or position. Men take on an enormous burden when they have to provide for you and the family; thoughts about how to keep the family fed, housed and clothed are constantly in mind. You have probably thought about these things yourself, but they’re just passing thoughts to you, for it’s not the woman’s responsibility to provide for these things. And you might not even know the depth of the burden, for he will not speak about it to you, even if you consider yourselves very close. And it doesn’t matter what job he holds, there is always the pressure to exceed and excel. This feeling of responsibility is instinctual and if he does not succeed, everyone will always see him as a miserable failure.

Now, you might feel impelled to seek your own employment, or help your husband with his work, but these solutions actually raise further problems! What CAN you do?

Reduce expenses; live within your means. We know this isn’t easy for women, what with rampant consumerism influencing your little minds every day. Have some real sympathy for your man and his responsibilities, and realize that you don’t really need new carpets, right?

Reduce demands on his time. Accept that he might need to work long hours, and then he may need time to relax when he gets home, so you might need to forego places you want to go, and adjust your schedule to his.

Live feminine roles. Don’t try to lift your husband’s load. Stay in your lane – keep a clean home and be cheerful, always!

Make allowances for his bad behavior. If he’s under work stress, he might not be his best self at home. So understand this and give him some leeway, okay? If he doesn’t want to fix the roof because he is tired, accept that he works hard at the office and let it be. Throw some extra pots down to catch the drips and keep smiling. The following are ways that women show a lack of sympathy for their men:

· Complaining that he is late for dinner – don’t be impatient when he comes home past the appointed hour, for you are demonstrating a lack of understanding how hard his life is! (Hi, if he works at an office, I’m sure he has a desk phone; and now in the modern era, men have cell phones, so you can’t tell me he can’t take two seconds to text you that he will be home later than expected . . . So, sorry, that IS a lack of consideration for your wife’s work – for homemaking IS work)

· Feeling neglected by your man, or one who neglects the children as well. You never go anywhere anymore, and he ignores the children he helped to make. His work is VERY STRESSFUL, and he needs time to recover. WHEN DOES THE WOMAN GET TO RECOVER? When does she get a break from the cooking, and the cleaning, and the childcare, hmm?

· Feeling that he is neglecting his home duties. He is not doing repairs or mowing the lawn. This is unfair to ask of him? These were “men’s” purview when this was written, so if she can’t do them, and he needs to relax, who the fuck fixes things? I’m sure if this wife were to hire an outside man to do the job, that would be “offensive” to his manly sensibilities, right?

· Greeting him at the door with issues, or the children whining and complaining. He needs warmth and comfort – have we mentioned he had a very hard day? Don’t add to his burdens by being another one.

· Fighting against his investment plans, or business plans, or any plans that pertain to his work and getting ahead and successful. Don’t ask why he needs more; you need to see into the future and that he is trying to provide for beyond this week or month’s paycheck!

She has received many letters from women about their men being married to their work, rather than their wives and families, and she says, Well, that has to happen if they’re going to make notable contributions to society. It is better to have ten percent of a hundred percent man, than one hundred percent of a ten percent man. And they wondered why women got burned out and turned to drinking and pills . . .

The sympathetic wife is the opposite of what we have described thus far. She is forgiving when he comes home cross, because she is sympathetic to his heavy burden of providing for her and the children. She never greets him at the door with problems, just a warm smile; she encourages him to go to the bedroom, and takes off his shoes for him and encourages him to relax before he is forced to greet the rest of his family, like those rambunctious children that you have saddled her with all day. She understands that minor repair jobs are insignificant to him, and is patient that he will do them eventually. She puts his needs in front of her own, always. Pardon me whilst I puke a little.

Not only does man struggle to provide, he also struggles for status. This drive explains why men will work so hard for things such as advancement and rank, not just money. Men desire to shine the brightest in the world of men, and women – well, feminine women, she feels the need to stress – do not have this drive themselves, so they do not understand it. Men’s desire for acclaim is much stronger. This isn’t necessarily the best trait, she acknowledges, but it is human and we have to respect that. Once again, be sympathetic to his desire and give him the freedom to pursue those highest accolades if that is his wont. For the acclaim of his wife is the highest peak of all, but most women do not provide this to their men, and therefore they are honored everywhere, it seems, except in their own homes.

So how DO you give true sympathy to your husband? Do not try to help him solve his problems. Do not minimize his problems, either, or advise him to count his blessings. Have empathy and try to understand what he is going through, but don’t let his gloom rub off on you. Display confidence in him, to restore confidence in himself, and allow time for his spirits to lift. Some women feel that, if his spirits are not immediately lifted, she has not done well; have faith, sometimes it takes time.

Sympathy is a rare quality in women, she says; what the fuck? So, men, these poor babies, learn to do without it, even though there is a deep need inside each one for genuine sympathy. Be the one to give it to him.

One very particular instance where a man needs sympathy is when he faces failure. For his greatest fear will be what his wife will think of him when she learns of it. If the failure is financial and will upset the standard of living for the family, well, that is a deep wound. You must adapt to your new situation cheerfully; by doing so, your husband will know your true worth. Once again, she culls an example from classic literature, “The Wife” by Washington Irving, and it is long and ridiculous. Assignments are to tell your husband how much you appreciate his heavy responsibility of having to be the provider; and if he is currently discouraged, providing TRUE sympathy as outlined earlier.

A man wants a woman who will make him her top priority. This does not mean you should neglect your duty to homemaking or the children, but he cannot be less important than those things. He is not a convenience, or a paycheck, or sex partner – you married him for the entire package, right? So act like it!

Little girls tend to fantasize about the future, with the lovely home and kitchen, and children playing, but with one thing missing – no husband present. Remember, this is a heteronormative fantasy, so that’s the only option. Or the perfect wedding . . . just without the groom. So when the woman finally catches her husband, that old dream of yore comes back – the house, the children, the domesticity, and she is devoted to it, and casts her husband as a background player.

Some women take their nurturing role as a sacred and devote their entire lives to the care and training of their children, to the neglect of their husbands. Over time, your husband will become resentful – of you AND the children. Making your husband the king in the home does not mean you love your children any less; your husband does not want you to neglect the children, and you can serve both without conflict. In fact, children do better when their father is put first, because this will build a happier relationship between husband and wife, and then the whole household benefits.

Now, it may be hard to judge where the line is between adequate attention and excessive attention to the children. So here are some examples. Sometimes your husband may need to move the family for business; if you are overly protective of the children, you may refuse to move for fear that the children will be negatively affected when uprooted. Usually this concern is unfounded; a happy home can be made anywhere. Sometimes a man might feel that he is having to compete with how own children for his wife’s time and attention. If you are so preoccupied with the children that you cannot spare a minute for your husband, you are guilty of this; stop it.

If you are over-indulgent with the children, buying them things at your husband’s expense, you are giving him added strain. This shows that you are putting your children above your husband and his needs. If your thoughts are constantly of the children, to the detriment of your husband, such as forgetting small requests he has made, or what he likes for dinner, but remembering these things of your children, you are putting him in second place.

Another way you cast your husband in second place is when you are preoccupied by your homemaking. Going overboard in an attempt to make your house perfect is an example of this. The goal is a home, not a showplace. The castle is not more important than the king who dwells therein.

A third way is when you overdo your focus on your appearance. Being well-groomed and well-dressed means you have pride in your appearance, but when you spend hours and hours in sewing special clothing, or shopping for ready-mades, or having your hair and nails done, then it will seem like you are trying to impress others, rather than your husband.

Fourth, your parents. Spending excessive time with your parents after marriage and devoting lots of energies to this relationship will cause your husband to feel second place, and even resentful of his in-laws, as now he is competing with them for your time and attention.

Fifth, money and success. How much your husband makes and how successful he is become more important than the man himself. Don’t drive your husband to be more than he wants to be, but also don’t deflate him if he wants to strive. His interests and desires are part of the whole package and therefore must be number one.

Sixth, careers, talents, and activities. If you are trying to pursue your own career, this is one of the greatest threats to the man being number one in your life. The drive pushes him in the background, and if you succeed, now you have overshadowed your husband, as well. Even talents, rather than jobs, can do this. Too much devotion to an interest or hobby takes that energy away from your husband AND your home life. Diversions are good, in moderation.

Now, you MUST make your husband your number one priority, but he DOES NOT have to do the same for you. Sometimes it is not possible. Remember, he is the provider, so that is his responsibility, and that supersedes all else. His providing for you IS making you and the children number one, but most women do not see it this way because the man’s time and attention is generally elsewhere.

If you are still not understanding this, remember that, by putting your husband in a secondary position in your life, you are very likely driving him to another woman. Most men don’t start taking up with a mistress solely for sex; it also fills an emotional need that they are not getting at home. Assignment – tell him that he is the most important person in your life and then show by your actions.

Man’s role is to be the guide, protector, and provider. This is not just custom or tradition, this is god-given. Oh, here we go. God put man at the head of the family to earn the bread, and woman to support the man and take care of the home and children. Marriage is a partnership, but not equal; both roles are important, but the man’s responsibility is much, MUCH greater.

So, the man, if he is “normal,” has this need to function fully in his divinely ordained role; secondly, he wants to feel needed and that his family depends on him; and finally, he would like to be this guide/protect/provider better than a woman could do. And what has happened? Dastardly women have violated this whole endeavor! The scourge of the working mother is upon us, and not only that, some of them are competing with men for accolades, or more pay. In addition, women are trying to rule the roost at home, too! They are not trusting in their husbands for guidance; they’re trying to become more like men, and this means that the men will suffer. A man deprived of a portion of his role will feel less masculine or fulfilled in his life; a woman trying to become more like men loses some of her femininity and adds more tension and worry. And most damning, more time and energy expended in “man’s” work will lead to her home duties and her real role being neglected, and this affects the entire family.

Not only is man’s role as the head of the household a god-given right (and she provides some Bible verses as “proof”), there is a logical reason for it, as well. Every group needs a leader, even if it is a group of two, such as you and your husband. Men are born leaders and are decisive; women tend to vacillate and that’s not a good fit for leadership. Hmm, look to some of your male politicians and get back to me. In addition, since man is the provider anyway, and must go forth into the world to earn the dough, then he obviously is the leader here. These “radicals” these days with their desire to do away with the patriarchy and make relationships equal. This is SO impractical and it also doesn’t work. While some decisions can be reached by “mutual agreement,” many cannot; in addition, sometimes things need to be decided swiftly – there’s no time to deliberate so you need SOMEONE to take the lead and make a choice, so why not men? It just makes sense!

As the leader or head of the household, the man has these duties: determining policies, rules and laws for the family to follow; and to make decisions. An organized family has rules for living, such as conduct in the home, use of money, where to go for vacation, where to go to church, and so on. A prudent man will consult his family and delegate authority to his wife on some of this, but HE is the one to make this choice. Also, even if he solicits suggestions from the family, the final say is his; a family is a theocracy, NOT a democracy. This also holds true for major decisions, such as new business ventures, or moving to a new community; if he is wise, he will consult the family, or at least his wife. However, he does not have to explain his reasoning to anyone. And YOU need to play your important role of being submissive or supportive. This does not mean that you have to act like a little puppy on a leash, being led wherever master goes; your support is essential, and your ideas could be valuable, but they must be presented the right way. And of course, have made it quite clear prior to this that you have accepted your husband as your leader and support and obey him.

Some common mistakes that women make are trying to run the household like a boss, making the important decisions; giving their husbands too much advice or too many suggestions; pressuring or needling your husband to do things their way; and just completely disobeying. Having a mind of your own and doing whatever you please results in some serious consequences for your whole family. For one thing, this sets up the idea that rebellion is acceptable, which will teach your children they do not have to obey rules and will have issues with authority later in life. (Well, when authority assumes too much power and forces people to knuckle under. . . ) This sort of attitude could also cause your husband to resent you. Even if it might be a bad decision he is making, let him. It is better to let a man have his way and fail than to stand in his way and have him feel thwarted. Yeah! If your darling husband thinks that Dogecoin is the future and wants to invest the kid’s college fund in it, smile sweetly and say, “Of course, my king, you know best.” Whilst silently wondering what you feel you could comfortably offer on an OnlyFans account when he loses the money.

There can be some exceptions to following a man: if he is wicked and would lead the family to be corrupt or lie or be immoral somehow; or if he is cruel to the children (as in they would come to physical harm, not just that he is a strict disciplinarian). In these cases, the woman has an obligation, nay, a moral duty, to take the children (or herself) out of these influences. You need to determine if he is actually morally bankrupt or just of weak will; remember, be patient with him!

How to be the perfect follower:

· Let go – stop trying to lead, if you already are

· Have a girlish trust in him – you have to trust in his motives, even if they defy logic – it could be inspired by god, whose ways don’t always follow logic, either!

· Be adjustable – adapt to the conditions that your husband provides for you. Make your dreams portable, so that you can be happy anywhere or with anything! (Well, why can’t men’s dreams be portable, too? Oh, right, because we’re NOT the leaders and vaginas don’t count).

· Be obedient – and it should be Quality obedience; don’t obey begrudgingly, for he will know

· Support his plans and decisions – don’t just sit back, actively support his plans and give sincere backing to what he does

· When you do not agree, do so honestly but make sure you still profess support for his authority in the home, such as, “I don’t agree with blahblah, but if you feel right about it, follow your convictions and I will support you in it.” So, why bother? If you are going to defer to him anyway, why does it matter? If you’re saying he doesn’t really have to listen to you, why start shit and open your mouth at all?

· Present a united front to the children – do not openly oppose your husband in front of them.

· Assert yourself – there are times when you should, but it must be done in a feminine manner.

Women can be good counselors to men, with their special gifts of insight and intuition. However, you must drop any habit of giving daily advice or any suggestions; your insight will have more weight if you save it for special or important occasions. You must also eliminate negative thinking; if you cannot, do not gave any advice at all, because your doubts or anxiety can actually do him great harm. And you must have something worthy to give – be smart and wise and have a good character; you are not trying to know more than your husband, but supplement his knowledge with your own.

Giving feminine advice includes asking leading questions, making sure you emphasize “you” when you ask him so that the ideas will seem like his own. Always say, “I feel” when giving your viewpoint, rather than “I think” or “I know.” Don’t appear to know more than he does; don’t be motherly; don’t try to talk “man to man.” Don’t act braver than he is; if he is filled with fear, your meekness in response will probably awaken his manly courage. Don’t have unyielding opinions, for that is unfeminine; and don’t insist that he do things your way.

Recognizing your husband as leader in all things reaps great rewards for your whole household. Home life is orderly – less arguments and contention, more harmony. The man will grow in his masculinity and become more confident. You can be freer in your correct role without the burden of trying to run a household. And the children – they will learn to respect authority. If men led the world, we would have less crime and violence, less divorce and social problems, less homosexuality. Hmm, when this book was published, men DID pretty much rule “the world,” and in many places they still do . . . I think she’s forgetting that MEN are overwhelmingly the ones who perpetuate crime, violence, and war.

Man was also created to be the protector. What do women need protection from? Danger. Strenuous work. Difficulties in life. In ancient societies, women needed protection from animal predators and the hard labor in the fields. This last point has actually been found to be in contention. Prehistoric bones have been found that show the women’s skeletons had upper body strength surpassing some of our female athletes today, which leads to the conclusion that they were doing a lot more of the manual labor like digging and lifting. Also, looking at the last few centuries, agrarian societies, especially when families were poor landholders, the whole family had to bring the crop in, and that included the women. To say nothing of enslaved women . . . they certainly didn’t get any protection. Ahem.

What do modern women need protection from? Sexual assault and murder. Who assaults women though, generally? MEN. Sometimes women’s own husbands do this. So you’re not really facing this realistically as you claim to, Helen. (I know that marital rape was not considered a crime until fairly recently, and domestic violence was only alluded to, but still). Women are also afraid of silly things like insects and strange noises. The danger may or may not be real, but if she perceives it as real, then she will be seeking a male protector. Strenuous work such as lifting heavy items, and painting, and repairing mechanical things, can hurt you – both physically and by making you seem less feminine. Difficulties of life – such as homemaker fails, or problems with childcare – are things that you must face alone and not bother your husband with; however, financial issues, or harsh and demanding people, are examples of when you would be better served to ask a man for help, for YOU are too emotional and less objective to deal with these situations.

Many modern women today walk alone at night, or can kill their own insects, and even do such masculine things as change their own tires! They’re taking men’s jobs, like truck driving and even engineering. You may feel competent and independent, but you are threatening men’s egos by standing toe to toe with them! A man who meets a capable and efficient woman who can fend for herself will lose some of his masculinity, and it makes him uncomfortable; and we can’t have that!

You suffer losses, too, though you may not realize it! By doing men’s work, you are losing your feminine charms; this is why men do not have the same respect for women as they once did, or the same chivalrous attitude they should have. Chivalry is dead, fuck chivalry.

Men enjoy protecting women; you are not imposing upon them. Let them protect you and revel in their manliness. Stop doing the heavy work; let him do it instead. Give him time to offer to help you before you take it upon yourself to do heavy lifting or open a door. If he doesn’t offer, then ask! Stop being independent or capable of doing masculine things. Don’t take long car trips alone; planes are fine as long as there is safe transport at your destination. Car trips have too much danger of mechanical breakdown, which could leave you in a helpless and even dangerous situation.

And of course, always remember, man needs to function in this role, so you have to need him to be your protector, and help him to feel needed, as in the examples above. Or THIS testimonial!

I grew up on a farm, so I was used to heavy labor and chores, and didn’t dote on frilly feminine things because those were unnecessary. I married a man who had a domineering father, so he just kind of knuckled under when I assumed control in our marriage. However, he rebelled in his way by spending all of our money on frivolous things and putting us into debt. He went to church but was outwardly bored while there. We continued to quarrel over money; he got fired from his job, and then didn’t try to get a better one, so I tried to scrimp and save on what little we had. When that didn’t work, I got a job myself. The money situation became unbearable and soon we started to talk about separating.

He got involved in Boy Scouts as a troop leader, and that took him away from home a lot. He would cancel outings with his own children to take the scouts out for the day. He even had them come and help paint our back porch to earn a badge, but they made a mess of things and got paint all over. In retaliation, I went out to my first Fascinating Womanhood class, and well, if I hadn’t, we would surely be divorced now. He is a changed man and I have never been so happy, so fulfilled, so FEMININE. My husband has a good job, making more than he used to, and he shows his love in all sorts of other ways. Thanks, Fascinating Womanhood!

Okay, so what I get from this one is that your husband was a petulant little man-child who felt the need to act out by putting you into debt and generally being a dick . . . until you decided that you would let him lead. Now, magically, because he’s Supreme Leader, suddenly he doesn’t need to spend all the money and he wuvs you. This is all so much bullshit.

In addition to guide (or leader) and protector, man is the provider; once again, this is divinely originated. And once again, it is related to man’s fulfillment as a man, and essentially to his pride. What does a man provide? For answer, she cites her husband’s book, Man of Steel and Velvet. A man should provide the necessities – food, clothing and shelter, plus some comforts and conveniences. This shelter should be apart from everyone else, so the little woman can make her home her own. (Obviously he is not taking into account cultural differences here, where large families live together, but remember, these are white people in the US in the 1950s, so that’s all they see). Men are under no obligation to provide luxuries; he may wish to do so, but it is not his responsibility. Some men are consumed with so many demands by their wives and families to be the best and provide a high standard of living, they have no time for those families. But what if the man himself is the one wanting this stuff, and is just blaming it on his family? No answer is given.

So once again, women, you done fucked up! Too many women are working outside of the house, some in elite professions like doctor or lawyer, and exceed their husbands’ salaries. Single women, or widows, or divorcees, or those whose husbands are ill or disabled are justified in working. But many of these women working outside the home are doing it to afford luxuries, or because they are bored at home, or they want to find more fulfillment in their lives by seeking a career to rival men. The only other exceptions for women working whilst they have employed husbands are: a compelling emergency (but this should be rare; you should just be able to trim your expenses and forego luxuries to make ends meet), or when your husband is attending college or training for a new career (for this will just be temporary; once he is done with his schooling, you can go back home). The latter, she warns, is slippery, though; for there is a great temptation to just continue working after he graduates, for he might not find his footing right away, and so on.

Even if your husband is the one hankering after luxuries and encouraging you to work outside the home, this is not justifiable; for you cause great harm to your family by not being home all day. OH, you’re bored with the housework, and the constant cleaning and cooking and childcare? Working outside the home is not the answer to your problems; you need to learn how to BE happy with your current lot. Your seeking of fulfillment outside the home is wrong! You’re underestimating how important your role is – at home, with the children and the housework; take satisfaction in your sparkling home, and your perfect roast dinner and fruit tarts, and well-scrubbed children. You don’t need anything else! Finally, your seeking outside work in an attempt to ease the load for your husband actually adds to his burden.

Don’t worry about men too much; they are blessed with the strength and endurance to be the provider no matter what. They can handle it. You want to help? Feed him well and correctly; live the principles of this book so that you remove added frustrations and tension when he comes home; cut down on luxuries and be thrifty. And above all, don’t get a job outside the home, so that you can stay feminine, and relaxed, and radiant, and provide a peaceful home so that your man has incentive to struggle and strive for you and the children.

Once again, you harm men by working, because you are threatening his pride and his role as provider. You harm yourself because you lose femininity by becoming independent, as she already said. She also adds from her husband’s book that dividing yourself between the two spheres of work and home life results in failures in both; you cannot have it all. If working was her husband’s idea, he actually has planted doubt in her mind as to his adequacy as a man, and can make her feel insecure in his abilities. In addition, if her employer is a man, it creates an unnatural situation for her, because she has to obey her husband at home, but her boss at work; and she might end up attracted to him, or make unfavorable comparisons between her boss and her husband. Oh, brother.

You also harm your children by working, for your child will see that your preference is for work rather than taking care of them. You will neglect your children, and they will feel unloved. Even if you don’t fully interact with your child all day, your mere presence in the house is important to them and their welfare.

Finally, you harm society; her husband sez, since women entered the workforce en masse during World War II, we have seen an uptick in the worst of societal problems – marriage difficulties, divorce, violence, drug abuse, rebellion against morality. Who’s to blame? Working mothers. The mothers are not home enough to help the children develop properly, and this is what we have wrought. Even the acting chairman of psychiatry of General Hospital in Phoenix agrees! Here’s his full quote, because it’s just so fucking infuriating on so many levels I had to include in full (it’s short): “Mother must be returned to the home. The standard of living is a fictitious thing. It is a woman’s primordial function to stay home and raise children. She should not join the hunt with the men. A man, too, feels less of a man when his wife works. If you don’t leave a family of decent kids behind, you have left nothing. Basic to the solution of adolescent problems of any generation is an intact home.”

I couldn’t find anything about this crackpot, one Dr. David V. Haws, but some hunter-gatherer societies DID have female hunters. The first anthropological conference about this was three years after the publication of this book, and I’m sure a dude like this probably wouldn’t have heard about it, nor would he have cared if he did. And indeed, most modern society likes to make presumptions – and we’re even taught in school that the men hunted and women gathered and took care of the children – but firstly, this has been in contention for decades upon decades because it wasn’t even based on empirical evidence, just presumption (probably colored by mainly-male anthropologists, let’s be honest) and secondly, not every hunter-gatherer society is the same.

If you don’t leave a family behind, you leave nothing? Hot take there, my dude. Those of us who cannot have children are not important, eh? You can leave a legacy without have progeny. I love kids, but they aren’t everything. Not everyone wants them, either. Even back then, although you were labeled unnatural if that were the case . . . Finally, blaming teen issues on moms working is a bullshit answer; but the psych community had a lot of issues in those days and has a lot to answer for, and I am NOT going to get on a rant about it, as this episode is long enough already. Let’s move on!

Even if you stay at home, you can do damage by saying that you can’t afford something, or suggesting ways your husband can increase his income. Remember his pride! Here’s a right way and a wrong way of doing it – I won’t go into the whole dialogue, but it starts with a man saying “It takes a lot of money to support a family nowadays,” and the woman responding the wrong way (getting a bit defensive and enumerating the ways she saves money), which leads to him feeling resentful and not much of a provider; and then the right way, where she asks how he’s managed SO well, and with SUCH tremendous responsibility, blahblahblah. The wrong way makes him feel a failure, but the second a hero. She says that the man’s opening salvo was looking for praise. However, what this woman fails to understand is that a lot of conversation is based on tone and word choice. I could read that sentence two ways and have it sound completely differently [read twice, once in a “dickish” manner and the other anxiously with a sigh]

To summarize this segment on Understanding Men, women must do a lot of giving. Yield to his authority; allow for his weaknesses and errors in judgment; provide admiration and sympathy; make him Number One. It may seems like so much giving without reward, but as you apply these principles, your husband’s love and tenderness will awaken and bloom. Don’t expect material rewards; while you might get them, the point of Fascinating Womanhood is a stronger marital relationship and romantic love.

Now you may experience a surprising problem when applying these principles, akin to opening Pandora’s box – instead of the man being loving and tender, he may become violent, or resentful, or hostile. This can occur when you have had lots of serious marital problems, and the man has felt on shaky ground for a long time; he has probably held in all of these feelings to keep the marriage together, and now you have opened the lid to the box with this program – he might feel more secure and lose the fear of speaking out, so he holds forth. You must encourage him to speak freely and completely; you must not defend yourself, or justify your actions, or fight back; sit quietly and take it in, or even agree that he is right. Once he has emptied the box, however, he will be relieved and it will increase his love and tenderness for you. Here’s one ridiculous example!

My husband came home in a dark mood, but I was determined not to let it engulf me. I let him relax, I made dinner, and when I went to call him to the table, he was crying. I said, Share with me. He opened the lid of his all his feelings. He had no faith in womanhood because of his previous marriage. He poured out all his resentments, his hatred towards women and his fears for the future. Since that night, our love has grown and he recently told me during a hug that I am everything a man could want in a wife. Thanks, Fascinating Womanhood!

Okay, so did you know he was married before and that he had this kind of baggage? Or was this a new revelation? Also, his “hatred towards women?” That’s not something that magically clears up once you say it. Also how long has his incel side been festering? This is a really strange anecdote to put in here as a positive endorsement.

While you are not responsible for earning the living, or managing or worrying about the paycheck, you DO have an important role to play in the success of the family’s finances. Most of this has been covered already – support him, make sacrifices, be adaptable, keep home peaceful for him. Make a dollar stretch! Be a good money manager. A solution to common money problems in the marriage is to split the budget – the wife should have a household budget which includes food, clothing, household and personal items, with ideally a little extra for the woman to be allowed to keep, to save or spend as she pleases with no questions asked. The husband should manage the remainder and pay the utility bills and mortgage payments, yard care and car care, and income tax, along with any other expenses. If he has an excess, that is HIS to do with as he pleases, with no questions asked.

If your husband has put you in charge of managing all of the money, then you have the power of decision to spend it as you see fit. However, this can cause serious problems, because firstly, the man will have no idea what condition finances are in, and he will not have cause to feel the pinch, as he is not as invested with the money as you are; secondly, women are not equipped to worry about money in this manner, and it can make you physically or mentally ill.

Now, your husband might not be a good money manager, and he makes a mess of things, overdrawing accounts and getting behind on the mortgage. What’s a woman to do? Turn your back on it completely and wholeheartedly; don’t pretend to ignore it and then anxiously check the books later to see what is going on. Let it go. Let him suffer the consequences, no matter what; he will learn, for he will feel his full responsibility and know that all of the money matters rest on his judgement. Okay, but how far do you take this? What if they are going to foreclose on your home? Do you just sit idly by and watch your shit get taken out of the home because your husband didn’t learn a lesson? Some people are not good with money, for whatever reason. What if he doesn’t learn? You talk about harm to the children by a simple thing like a woman working outside the home; I’m sorry, I think more harm would be done by a negligent father who can’t pay the house bills and you have to live without electricity, or water, or even a fucking roof over your head, all because a book told Mom to be her best little Biblical self and let her husband do everything.

Y’all, this is a more of a slog than I thought; we are only a little past the halfway point right now and I feel like I’ve been talking for ages.

Deep inner happiness – serenity, tranquility, peace of mind, placidity – can carry you calmly through turmoil. A woman with inner happiness has the power to face her problems, and this quality is very important to men. If his wife is unhappy, a kind man will be concerned and sympathetic and try to cheer her up, but this is NOT an admirable quality. Men consider it a deficiency. They expect women to give happiness. Do men always give happiness? NO they do not, because humans cannot do this all the damned time, and to expect this is ludicrous.

Unhappiness is caused by a failure on the part of the person – a weakness of character, or sin, or inability to fulfill responsibility, or self-centeredness. So overcome your weaknesses and be happy! Don’t confuse pleasure with happiness. Pleasure comes from things that please the senses, either in a “good” or “bad” way, but happiness can even come from unpleasant experiences; take the birth of a child – the childbirth can be painful and caring for the child can be exhausting, but you can still have happiness in your dreams of family fulfilled. The feeling of deep inner happiness cannot be adequately described, but you’ll know it when you experience it.

So how can you gain this deep inner happiness? By following eternal laws, by which she means spiritual, sexist ones, of course. Fulfilling your domestic role, and embracing it wholeheartedly; living righteously and having a noble character (basically, be honest, unselfish, kind, responsible, and have high moral standards); benevolent service outside the home (she doesn’t explain this, I presume she means volunteering or something of that nature); working creatively (cooking, sewing, gardening, decorating, or the arts); accepting ourselves (owning that we will make mistakes and failures, and that we need to forgive ourselves); appreciation of simple pleasures (whatever that means in your sphere); and seeking knowledge and wisdom, which seems contradictory to everything here.

Notice that she did not say “love of husband” as one of the ways to gain inner happiness. While this love is essential to your total happiness, it is not essential in acquiring the inner happiness; and in fact, if you don’t have the inner happiness, your husband cannot truly love you.

A man wants a woman of fine character that he can put on a pedestal. He knows that he is less refined in spirit and can overlook this flaw in himself, but is disappointed in a woman who falls to his level; or worse, when he deliberately tests her and finds her wanting. What.

What are the essential virtues?

· Self-Mastery – control over your thoughts, feelings, emotions, and so forth; it is the foundation of a worthy character. Fasting and prayer can help, taking Jesus’ example. Training the will by doing something unpleasant every day, like giving up something you enjoy, or doing something difficult, such as a setting a high goal for yourself.

· Unselfishness – a willingness to give up your own comfort for someone else’s benefit.

· Humility – freedom from pride or arrogance. It’s not thinking of ourselves as less or more than you are, just exactly as you are. Don’t be arrogant or proud; especially the latter, for god has strongly condemned pride. Okay, well, considering a good chunk of this book is about how to navigate your man’s pride, isn’t this contradictory?

· Honesty

· Chastity – by which she means don’t fuck anyone you aren’t married to, and straights only plz.

· Patience – with people, with responsibility, with desires, and for a brighter day.

· Moral courage – doing what is morally right, no matter the consequences

· Benevolent service – of course, not at the sacrifice of things at home

· Self-dignity – respect for yourself in your appearance, and not depreciating yourself and your values.

· The gentle, tender quality – which encompasses understanding, sympathy, benevolence, forgiveness, and other like feelings

· Responsibility – doing your part in the world, in the portion that rightly belongs to you.

This may seem like a tall order and out of your reach; it is attainable by anyone. Just because you have not done anything deserving of reverence in the past, does not mean it is unattainable in the future. With diligent effort, and a whole lot of prayer, you can do this.

The Domestic Goddess is a good homemaker – clean orderly home, well-behaved children, cooks wonderful meals, but has an additional, special quality that elevates her from just successful to a “goddess.” She manages time and responsibility well, providing a balance between keeping a neat home and keeping the children behaved and entertained. Her homemaking has feminine touches, and she gives a warmth to her household. The Domestic Goddess is proud of her position in the home, recognizing it as a place of honor and importance. And of course, she is happy there; she is fulfilled; she is not bored or seeking work in the world of men.

How to find happiness in homemaking? Accept that some parts are, well, drudgery, but just face them as necessary responsibility and don’t grumble. Most work has a certain amount of drudgery. Don’t become involved in too many things outside the home, so that you get “crowded” for time; it is difficult to enjoy jobs that you must hurry over to get them done when pressed for time. If you want to find joy in your tasks, do them well. No woman who ever gave “just enough” to get by ever enjoyed homemaking.

There are some fundamental principles to follow: concentrate (no daydreaming), simplify (too many things is just clutter), organize (having a place and a time for everything), priorities (concentrate on essentials and put those of lesser importance second; and avoid time wasters such as talking too much on the phone or too much window-shopping), work (as in, be willing to put in the work), make him comfortable (remember, his home is his castle; allow him some room to relax and be comfortable).

The Domestic Goddess loves children and takes great joy in bearing them and nurturing them. This is natural instinct. (naw, dog, let’s normalize that not every woman wants kids). Men respect women who enjoy children, but he does not like those who complain. A man will be pained if his wife complains that she is pregnant again; so what? He’s not the one putting his body through massive changes, nor is he the one taking on the burden of childcare when the child is born. But Andelin sez that these remarks are “unwomanly.” And I’m sure it goes without saying that you’re only a true woman if you have children, as she says nothing about “barren” women here.

The Domestic Goddess prepares regular meals served on time that taste good. In addition, they should be healthy and nourishing, and not last-minute, convenience foods like cold cuts and macaroni.

Housekeeping is a matter of character, and the woman who fails in any of its areas shows a weakness of character. She is self-centered, thinking of her own comforts or pleasures, such as watching television or just being lazy instead of thinking of her family. She is disorganized, a serious fault. Lack of knowledge, which is understandable in the newly married, but you should be seeking knowledge and learning to be and do better. Lack of responsibility – not wanting to assume the duty that belongs to women.

There is a danger that women’s lives can become very narrow when they focus on their own household, and end up material-minded and unable to speak about anything other than their children or the latest floor wax. The Domestic Goddess should keep up with current events, read widely, have activities outside the home (as long as they don’t interfere with housework and are noble).

Now, these women’s libbers feel that work in the home is inferior to what men do; they don’t feel like goddesses, they feel like drudges. Smart women with more education complain that it does not take much mental ability to run a household, and indeed, it doesn’t take too much intelligence to do the bare minimum; but the real mental ability comes in to be a true Domestic Goddess – being the alert, all comprehending wife, ever in tune to her husband’s needs and knowing the right thing to say at all times. And also your heart! Giving your heart is equally as important. We don’t need more brains in the world – we need more love and kindness and spiritual values. Being a successful mother is greater than any career in the world. Woman’s role is essential, not inferior.

Now, we’ll focus on the Human side of your nature – your appearance, your manner, and your actions. Some of this seems pretty repetitive, though, so I’m going to breeze through as much as I can.

Femininity – basically a lack of masculine ability and traits. Accentuate the differences between yourself and men, not similarities. Be stylish and wear fluffy, lacy, gauzy thins and soft materials. Wear soft colors. If you must wear pants, they should be of feminine material, or make your outfit more “girly” with a feminine shirt, or accessories. A feminine appearance will please your husband and make him respect you more. And what you wear on the outside affects your interior attitude, so wearing feminine clothing will enhance your feminine manner.

Be well-groomed, of course; men should be as well, but we (and they) hold women to a higher standard. Be modest; don’t expose too much skin, nor should your bra straps or underwear show when you are in public. “Higher types of civilization have always been modest – it seems to go with intelligence and refinement.” This sounds like racism to me.

It is not just your clothes, however; it’s your motions, the way you walk or talk, your laugh, your facial expressions. Avoid stiff or brusque movements; don’t make gestures with your hands when you speak. When you shake a man’s hand, be gentle, not strong and vigorous. Adapt a light way of walking. Modulate your voice – the ideal is gentle but clear and self-assured; not soft and timid, not loud or firm. Men dislike coarse, loud, vulgar tones in women, but also mumbling, dull or singsong voices won’t do. If you sound like any of these, speak aloud to yourself or read aloud in privacy, to practice your perfect voice. Your laugh shouldn’t be overly loud or deep, but this is hard to change, so at the very least, make it more acceptable by not making faces or throwing your head back, or slapping your thighs, for these things are vulgar in a woman. Try to adopt a cooing or purring quality to your voice, men seem to like that. Yes, baby talk – for babies; sounds about right here.

Facial expressions can destroy your femininity, as well; so avoid harsh frowns or tight lips. Keep a gentle character so that gentle expressions come more naturally to you. Try to train your face to control these bad expressions. Be sympathetic in your conversations, be understanding, be gentle, especially with your children.

Be refined, always – don’t use coarse or vulgar language, or tell ribald jokes, for these are offensive to men, for they feel it is undignified of you to be crude. (Haha, I’ll keep my third-grade sense of humor and sailor mouth, thank you; my future husband loves me anyway). Be courteous to everyone you meet and have consideration for others, especially those whose opinions might be different from yours (sorry, lady, recent politics and a war on science have left me no consideration or sympathy for those who will deny basic facts). Match people’s enthusiasm. Don’t be cheeky. Always be tactful and diplomatic, for blunt honesty is never appropriate. (Hi, welcome to 2021; you would hate it here. Also, definitely warranted). Have an air of languor about you; be relaxed and calm, not high-strung and constantly on the move. Be mindful of outdoor parties, as this is where many women tend to let their guard down and become lax in their actions.

Remember, you don’t have to be beautiful to have feminine charm. Conversely, just because you are beautiful does not mean you automatically have feminine charm.

The next bit about Feminine Dependency she pretty much covered earlier in the Man as Protector section. Put your trust and childlike dependence in your man; women who are capable and independent make men’s weenies limp. She reiterates letting go and letting the man take care of it; if the lawn doesn’t get mowed, does it matter at the expense of femininity? Uh, it kind of does – if the man isn’t mowing the lawn, there can be consequences depending on where you live. HOAs will fine your ass. In addition, the neighbors will judge you (and probably turn you in for that fine).

Don’t have unyielding opinions; it’s better to be submissive to a man than try to win an argument with him. If a man can’t change your mind, that is unwomanly. Embrace your fearfulness; don’t subdue your natural fear of little dangers like mice and spiders, so that your man will feel stronger.

Don’t try to outdo men, in anything, but especially not sports or careers; don’t even try to one-up them in classes, especially math or science or even public speaking. Don’t appear to know more than men about world events or space.

Even with all this dependence, men also want to know that hidden in her depths, a woman has a capability to meet with an emergency and not be helpless in that situation. But women shouldn’t be trained for specific careers, because it encourages them to work, which is bad for all the reasons outline previously. So the best way a woman can prepare for her future is with a broad education; this will prepare her for her roles as wife and mother, and make her more interesting.

Have a sense of humor about life – I can’t argue with that one.

Work for your inner happiness, so that you can radiate that happiness to others, in fact, to everyone! And smile, smile, smile through adversity. Except when you are with someone who is depressed, as your happy attitude may suggest a lack of sympathy; be perceptive and understanding of what the situation warrants.

Fresh radiant health – not just being well, but the joyous spirit that comes with having such health. Now we’ve come to the ableist portion of the program. Correct internal disorders; get enough sleep; exercise; drink water; get fresh air; eat properly; relax; have a healthy mental attitude; control weight. Oh, boy, here we go – she encourages women to weigh themselves every day. That could be dangerous. She also recommends Overeaters Anonymous; um, you don’t have qualifications for this (and by that I mean the whole book), so please don’t. Or just eliminate sweets from your diet forever. Or don’t eat anything at all after 3pm every day. Or eliminate one of the three meals daily. Remember, men don’t like fat women and it’s a lot harder to appear dainty and feminine when you are a chonk. Now, you may have some permanent damage to your health, but if you maintain a healthy mental attitude, you can still be a fascinating woman. Elizabeth Barrett Browning was an invalid, but her husband, Robert Browning, adored her. Of course, be well-groomed and clean; don’t be above using makeup if it makes you look healthier.

Childlikeness – especially how children express emotions – can solve some of women’s most difficult marriage issues. It’s fun, and men love it because it is definitely a contrast to their masculinity. There are twelve important ways of being childlike.

First, anger. We usually refuse to acknowledge the feeling, which causes the pressure to build; we suppress or subdue it, which leads to resentments; we release it, which is ugly and destroys feminine charm; or we can talk things over and try to reason or appeal, which fails because men will become defensive, or blame the woman for everything. The only successful way is to express your anger in a charming, spunky way like a little girl would. Children are too innocent to feel hate and jealousy and resentment (oh, how naïve you are, Andelin, but anyway); so if teased to anger, a little girl is going to be sarcastic and cutting – she’ll stamp her foot or shake her curls and pout; then say she’s never going to talk to you again, but peeks back over her shoulder at you, and oh, don’t you just want to smile and hug this little child? This is how you need to be so that your man will feel stronger and sensible and you might even make him laugh. Here’s are some more direct instructions in full so you can picture the true ridiculousness:

Stomp your foot, lift your chin high and square your shoulders. Then, if the situation merits it, turn and walk briskly to the door, pause and look back over your shoulder. Or you can put both hands on your hips and open your eyes wide. Or, beat your fists on your husband’s chest. Men love this! Or, there is the timid, frustrated manner of pouting, looking woeful or looking with downcast eyes while mumbling under your breath, or putting both hands to your face, saying, “Oh, dear!”

I’ve done fake pouting before, but never during a serious argument or when there was a real reason to be angry. This is ridiculous. This goes on with exaggerations of his treatment like, “How can you pick on a poor helpless girl like me!” Now, she owns that you do have a right to express your anger when you have been mistreated – insulted or criticized or teased – but not when he has let you down in his responsibilities, and especially not when you feel emotions of hate or bitterness or anything ugly. If you are experiencing these feelings, pour them out to a trusted friend or into some physical work, and not directed at your husband. If you have been physically abused, or grossly neglected, or have been cheated on, you need to live the principles of this book to soften your man’s heart and try to bring a reform to his behavior, because sometimes the man’s ugly actions are your fault. NO NO NO. You do NOT blame victims of domestic violence; the man is at fault.

Now, this response to anger is when you are angry at your husband, NOT when he is angry at you. If the latter, remember he has a right to be angry, let him express himself, and if you are guilty, agree with him. Even if you’re not guilty, let him express his anger and don’t defend yourself. Return gentle words for angry ones, and if he’s really being unjust, then you can try a little of the childlike manner in response. But what if the man’s anger manifests itself in words that turn into violent actions, hmm?

Second way is hurt. When hurt, mentally, we cry or withdraw. Women usually overreact and this is frustrating to men, because they don’t know how to comfort you. When children are hurt, they blubber and tear up a little, and look helpless, and occasionally exaggerated crying. Hi, have you met kids? They bray like donkeys sometimes for the least little thing; you’re speaking of cartoon children with the big eyes watery with unshed tears. Maybe kids were different in the 1960s, but go to a store today and see what happens when a little kid drops their toy out of the cart – they sound like they’re being murdered.

Third, disappointment. Much the same as hurt feelings – pout, a tear or two, downcast eyes, instead of doing the adult woman thing like demanding your rights, and reminding a man he has broken a promise.

Fourth, asking for things. Don’t hint, or suggest, or try to convince – the latter especially fails because the woman appears to be an equal partner to the man, and that will make him say no to show his authority. And don’t demand, either. Once again, look to children; little girls approach trustingly and ask please, and generally assume a dependent attitude. If you do this, he will realize your respect for his leadership and will be more considerate of your requests. Of course, don’t be selfish or ask for unaffordable things, or love or tenderness or affection. And especially don’t ask for anything special if you have not been up on your wifely duties, from homemaking to sex.

Fifth, joy. It takes so little to make children happy, and when they’re happy, it shows in their whole being. A man appreciates a similar response from women. Get excited over the little things. This is one of the few times that I agree with her, just on the “appreciate the little things” bit, wherever they come from.

Sixth, trust. A confidence like children have in their parents, that their elders have their best interests at heart and will always take care of them. Place this same trust in your husband. Don’t tell him what to do, don’t doubt his ability to solve a problem. Trust makes you a better follower and him a better leader. Barf.

Seventh, teasing playfulness. Using coquettish responses when a man is overly serious or stern with you, or wants to lecture you, or even ignores you. Change the subject to something playful or light, then perhaps distract his attention by smoothing his hair or some similar physical action. Remember, though, that this will not be well-received if you have had a terrible attitude thus far, for then nothing will be charming to your man until you improve. And this playfulness does not include pranks – those are only for men.

Eighth, tenderness of emotion. Don’t be ashamed of your natural tender feelings and try to disguise them. If you are listening to sad music, or watching a dramatic movie, don’t hold back the tears if they come. This is fascinating and attractive to men.

Ninth, outspokenness. Not just saying whatever you like without heeding the feelings of others, but being direct and not evasive. When you ask a child if they would like to do something, they will tell you directly if they do not want to go. This is the honest and direct sort of response that a man appreciates in a woman. But doesn’t this contradict your hard line about the man being the head of the household and what he wills is so? If you say I don’t want to do (blank), he can make you do it anyway.

Tenth, changefulness. Don’t be the same all of the time. Make yourself unpredictable and make yourself fascinating.

Eleventh, youthful manner. Have a zest for life and feel young on the inside, no matter your age on the outside. Eliminate any matronly tendencies, such as the way you walk or your facial expressions.

Twelfth, youthful appearance. Once again, avoid looking matronly and out of date in your dress and hair. Visit shops where young girls go and get an idea of what is in fashion. And don’t get fat, because then it’s nearly impossible to be youthful in manner or appearance.

Childlike is different from childish; the latter copies the faults of children, while the former copies their VIRTUES. Childish mannerisms are self-centeredness, lack of responsibility, expecting too much. These traits will give you further problems in adulthood.

Some women resist this childlike idea, considering it an insult to act this way, and that a sensible man would be repulsed instead of attracted to such a creature. Try it for yourself and see! Remember, men never want women to grow up completely.

Conclusion – omg, we’re almost there, folks! After reading this, it seems like you, as the woman, must do a lot of giving, but remember, marriage is not a 50/50 proposition. Practice the tenets in this book and be rewarded with a tender, romantic marriage, and happier wives, husbands, and children.

You might still have qualms about yielding to the man as head of the household, especially if you have shared in decision-making, or handling the finances, or working outside the home. You might be giving up a bit of your freedom, but surrendering frees YOU from headaches and heartaches and frustration. And also gives you a husband who will do anything to make you happy.

If you want to awaken a man’s love and tenderness, you must be worthy of that love, and make him feel like a man. If you make mistakes while trying to live the principles in this book, remember that you are human and don’t get discouraged. Keep going, and you will soon see a new world. And once your man has experienced the new fascinating you, he will not be satisfied with the old you again, so once you start down this path, there is no turning back.

She also addresses the fact that sex isn’t really dealt with in the book; she owns that sex is highly important and that’s why she and her husband prepared a booklet on how to apply these same principles, but in the bedroom.

The book ends with three super-long testimonials, and we’ll end this very tiring trek with just the title the second one, which is “How I Won My Husband Back from a Harlot,” and includes this charming sentence: “I tried hard not to act pregnant, because I knew how disgusted he was with my situation.” That’s her husband, by the way; pretty sure his dick helped make that. Oh, and it gets worse, somehow – she starts living these principles, and this gets her husband to confess that he’s been carrying on an affair, with an ugly jobless divorced woman, because she had made him feel important (unlike his wife); she loses her temper – which I think is warranted in this situation – and “broke a glass door and a couple of glass-covered pictures and ended up getting beaten and my husband leaving the house.” Um, so he beat you because you got angry he was having an affair? I . . . just can’t.

[break]

This is already exceedingly long, I know, but some quick commentary on the whole book, especially as it is still crowed about in certain circles as useful and marriage-saving and so forth. However, it is extremely stereotypical – about both men AND women, which makes it dangerous. It presumes that men are all fragile babies that must be coddled in bubble wrap – don’t wound their pwecious pride so they don’t resent you. And you must be delicate and pretend not to know about “manly” things; you’re not allowed to really speak your mind unless you do it with little pouts and hair tosses like a five year old. However, if he is angry, he can express ALL of it at you and you are just supposed to sit there and take it?

Also, do your best to feign interest in his talk, even if it bores you, but don’t expect him to do the same for you, because you know, he’s tired from his HARD day of being a provider and a man, so whatever you’ve been doing all day is boring, so don’t talk about it.

Finally, this childlikeness you are meant to espouse, even down to dressing younger, is infantilizing – which, of course, is nothing new in our culture, but continuing to perpetuate this is particularly heinous. I could go on, but I’m guess if you listen to my show, you probably agree.

Well, that’s the show. Please like, subscribe, rate, all that good stuff. The Forgotten Library is available on most podcast aggregators. There’s a Twitter account, which I try to post on, and also a Facebook page. Transcripts and source materials are available on the website, and if you enjoy what I do and would like to show some appreciation, you can Buy Me a Coffee – think of it as a little tip jar that takes Paypal and Stripe. Links for all of this are in the show description.

Until next time, I’m Nikki Gee, your intrepid library haunter.

Reference List

Andelin, H. Fascinating Womanhood. 1963. Available for checkout from Internet Archive: https://archive.org/details/fascinatingwoman00hele

Price, M. (2017). Strong women did a lot of the heavy lifting in ancient farming societies. Science. https://www.science.org/news/2017/11/strong-women-did-lot-heavy-lifting-ancient-farming-societies

Venkataraman, V. (2021). Women were successful big-game hunters, challenging beliefs about ancient gender roles. The Conversation. https://theconversation.com/women-were-successful-big-game-hunters-challenging-beliefs-about-ancient-gender-roles-153772